Respite care is a NEED not a WANT!

I’ve been doing The Job for quite a long time, for both parents, and in both cases I took advantage of respite care.

A Little Background

I’ve been very fortunate, because when Pop was struggling with multiple cancers that physically wore him down, Mom was able to provide a large part of his physical care. I shouldered all of the financial burdens and worries and Mom was AMAZING at helping me with the physical care. The biggest inconvenience for me was outside of our home.

For example, I had to attend all of the doctors appointments, specialist visits, and the endless courses of chemotherapy. During these early years—around 2007 to 2010—I was relatively able to live my own life with little help, because Mom was healthy and capable. I could schedule doctor’s visits during convenient times for me and my family, and could be traveling for short periods of time. 

The first blow to my real life came in 2010. Pop had a major episode shortly before my 20th wedding anniversary, and we were forced to cancel our inaugural trip to Hawaii. That year I also won a huge professional award, and I had to cancel my trip to be recognized nationally that same summer. It was the first time I realized that The Job could turn ugly in the blink of an eye. I was sympathetic to Pop’s health concerns, but I was so disappointed in missing both of those wonderful opportunities. It was a bleak summer for me emotionally.

I realized I needed help.

Not every day, but I did need someone “on deck” in case I couldn’t or wouldn’t be available for my parents. 

So, What iS respite care?

Respite care consists of having someone come into the home to care for your Elder while you are relieved of these duties and responsibilities.

So, respite care can range from a caregiver, so you can go out to dinner, to someone staying in your home, while you travel for a week. Additionally, respite care can also be provided at in-patient assisted living and memory care facilities while you are out of town or otherwise unable to provide care.

In short, respite care is HEAVEN for you!

It relieves your responsibilities, duties, and burdens for any period of time of your choosing, so you can ______________. Do you miss going out to dinner? Meeting friends for drinks? A weekend away? Respite care can cover you for absolutely any reason.

So, Who can provide Respite Care?

I’ve done this for years and years, don’t forget, so I’ve got plenty of respite care experience. It can be accomplished in so many different ways. Here are some resources I’ve use:

My BFF And My Own Kids

Over the years, we repeatedly used our beloved dog as an excuse to provide respite care. So for years Mom was able to manage caring for Pop for a weekend (at the most) without me being physically in the house. However, it made me a bit nervous, so we used the dog as an excuse.

My BFF, or my kids once they were grown, would need to “come by the house” a few times during the day to “care for the dog.” These unpaid resources would drop in unexpectedly—particularly at meal times—to make sure that everything was going well, and my parents didn’t need anything from the store, or help with anything in the house.

My siblings

While Pop was ill, I either scheduled carefully, or didn’t schedule at all, vacations for my family. I was able to accomplish this until near the end, when my presence was required around the clock. From that point (2015) until now, I’ve relied on my siblings to provide extended care for my mom.

I’m the youngest of five, all of whom live on the east coast, while I am in Vegas. So, every year, as early as I possibly can, I schedule my family vacation for the summer. I put the dates on our group chat as soon as humanly possible, and rely on my siblings to provide care for Mom in my own house. This has worked out exceptionally well for me!

I would get someone (usually my oldest brother, Bob) staying in the house with Mom. They would care for my dog and keep the house functioning, while I am gone. Mom can be comfortable and relaxed in her own space with someone she love. It has also given my siblings tremendous insight into what my daily life entails. 

Hire a Professional

Mom, now, has a 40-hour a week caregiver while I work, and she absolutely LOVES Mary. Mary has been an unbelievably supportive help over the past few years she has worked for us. We appreciate her every single day. Several years ago, we hired Mary through an agency.

For now, take it from me: She has earned every penny. So, for the occasional weekender over the past few years, I’ve hired Mary to stay at my house and provide round-the-clock care for Mom. This is an expensive option, but it maintains Mom’s comfort because it is someone qualified and able to stay at Mom’s home.

Go to the “Senior Hotel”

To be honest, we have considered this several times, but have not experienced this option first hand. But, I HAVE contacted several memory care facilities who provide Respite Care. I was very pleased with both what they offer, and what they charge. (It’s just circumstances didn’t require this for me.)

By sending your Elder to the “Senior Hotel,” they will have all of the benefits of being a resident of the facility. In addition to superior accommodations, all of their meals and activities will be included. This could easily provide a fabulous vacation for them while you are off on your own!

As a costly option, it must be carefully considered. If your elder is known to “escape” your house, I would have use this option. Often, for “wanderers,” it’s better to be with a professional rather than a family member.

so, How often should you USE Respite care?

In Short: Often.

And early.

Don’t wait until you are burnt out to take advantage of respite care. Actually, don’t wait at all to pursue your respite care options!

The first time I needed respite care came up quite suddenly for me, and I hadn’t prepped any of my resources about the possibility! I missed several weekend trips and weddings because I hadn’t prepared in advance. Looking back, this is something that should be explored as soon as you decide to do The Job. Just in case the emergency situation hits early.

Some Words Of Wisdom From Pop

My best piece of advice for you comes from Pop, and I’ve quoted it in previous blogs: “Don’t sacrifice your life…” to do The Job. Your life is still your top priority—make sure you are living the life you plan for yourself. Caring for my parents continues to be an honor and a privilege. Part of that means that my spouse and family are still my future.

So, What should you do with Respite Care?

My guess is that organizing respite care is going to be somewhat of a hassle for you, at least until you get the hang of your options. Because of the stress involved with organizing things, make sure you are taking full advantage of the opportunities you create.

For me, my priority is travel, so I do not utilize any respite care or favors from people for dinners out. We don’t derive that much pleasure from dining out, so I don’t use my favors for those types of outings. My family also “divide and conquer” when we can. For example, I took my kid back to college alone. So, my husband continued to provide care for my parents. He has done the same thing several times, as well. 

Make it count.

Whatever that means to do.

Be thoughtful about your wants and needs as a caregiver, and satisfy your cravings in the best way possible for you. As for me, I’m at the airport before the respite care provider has even unpacked!!!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out some other tips, like eldercare home preparations, here, or eldercare finances, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment how YOU prep your respite care! What are your next steps in eldercare? Let me know!

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