Tips to support your Elderly parent

I could easily write hundreds of tips to help you navigate this difficult time period in your loved one’s life. So, this will be my first “Top 10 Eldercare Tips” of many to come.

Every little kernel I’ve learned helps. Everything I’ve read, and especially the people I have consulted, have helped me in big and small ways. Frankly, it’s the small things that make a big difference in my daily routine with Mom. I used these with Pop, too, but the diminished cognitive abilities make it even more important now. Here are just a few things to get you started:

#1 of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Keep As Much The Same As Possible

I haven’t changed things in my house in several years.

Yes, it’s frustrating not being able to make renovations or big changes to my environment, but the stability is so good for Mom. She knows where to find the towels, what day her sheets get changed, and when the dog gets a treat. Her ability to predict these daily events helps keep her centered and focused.

We may not really want to eat dinner at 5 pm every night, but at 5 pm every night Mom knows it’s time to come to the table. So, we eat at 5 pm.

#2 of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Develop And Maintain A Routine

Mom can get highly agitated when something unexpected happens, so we try to minimize that as much as possible. I know you probably maintain a set wake-up and bedtime and keep meals times the same. What about things like errands and doctors appointments?

We have found it is highly beneficial to make everything and anything outside of the house between 11 and 2 pm. Those are the “golden hours” for Mom, when she is alert, highly engaged and cognitively sharp. Before 11 am, she likes to take her mornings a little slow—she’s earned it! After 2 pm can be a real crap shoot of cognitive ability, so we try to have her home and comfortable after that time.

Learn your parent’s cognitive routine and do your best to stick to it!

#3 of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Keep Them Engaged In Family Activities

Like I said, dinner is at 5 pm daily. Every day of the week, every week of the year. That is how Mom ran her house, so it’s comforting to her. Every night we sit down together as a family – whoever happens to be home at that time – and eat a family meal.

In addition to sharing family meals, we try to include Mom as much as possible. There is no reason for her to miss a nice fire in the backyard, or decorating the Christmas tree. On Halloween, we sit in the driveway to hand out candy, and she sits right there with us to see all the kids in costumes.

So whatever the habits and routines were before, allow your aging family member to continue to enjoy them as much as possible. Keep them engaged in conversation, like you normally would. Their mind will thank you later!

#4 Of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Allow As Much Independence As You Can

Where you are in your journey of The Job is different from mine, because every person walks this path themselves, but some things remain constant. The need to maintain independence is fundamental for your elderly person. You need to focus on that to help them maintain a high quality of life.

When Mom could no longer be trusted with the stove, for instance, my brother Bob sent an electric kettle, so she could continue to make her own tea. While she can’t do much cooking anymore, she can certainly peel potatoes or cut carrots and celery. My mother-in-law absolutely LOVED doing laundry, so that was a chore she continued almost until her passing.

It’s important that you think in advance! Make sure you assign appropriate tasks to your eldercare person. They will be proud to accomplish the task, and to be included in family chores. A sense of worth is priceless.

#5 Of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Capitalize on the “Good Times”

I mentioned a fire, doing dishes, and helping with dinner. It is imperative that you “gauge the room,” constantly.

When I come home from work, I immediately check in with Mom and her caregiver, to see how the day has gone. If Mom is having a good day, my next thoughts are what can she participate in. When the sundowners is mild, that is when we plan to have a fire outside. It’s something she very much enjoys, but can only participate in on “good” nights.

This past year, Christmas Eve was a tough night for Mom, but the next morning she was raring to go! So, that is when I helped her wrap her presents instead of the night before. Being flexible with tasks will help your loved one participate more, and will slow that cognitive decline that we are all battling.

#6 of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Keep Your Demeanor Steady

I had a job years ago that was not ideal. Before school every morning, I BLASTED one particular song for the battle that would be my day. It got me in the right frame of mind, and helped me enter the building with the right mindset for success.

I do the same thing now with The Job. When I am driving home from school, I go over the evening in my head, but none of it matters until I walk into the house. What will her mood be? How bad is the sundowners today? I need to be prepared for everything, so I think about it, and reset my energy and priorities on my drive home.

We all need to be calm, steady, and consistent with Mom, so we need to leave my stresses behind. Your evenings together will be less stressful and much more joyful if you approach The Job with a calm, even demeanor and no emotional baggage that might get in your way.

#7 of Top 10 Eldercare Tips:
Keep Multiple Comfort Foods on Hand

This is for BOTH of you!!!

You’ve walked right into the middle of a tornado in your house—might be a good day, might not—so you need all of the supplies you can to keep things calm, positive and even-keeled. I’m a big fan of comfort food for me and Mom. This includes what I cook for dinner, as well as handy snacks and treats I keep on hand. I’ve found with Mom that offering a snack that she enjoys and looks forward to can diffuse many situations and bad moods. It works the same for me, too!!!

For dinner planning, I switch back and forth between recipes from my childhood, and things that Sweet Husband and I like. For example, we love salmon, which we never ate growing up, so when I make salmon for dinner, the next night is a comfort food from my youth Mom recognizes—chili or pork chops.

You get the idea?

#8 of top 10 eldercare tips:
get some fresh air

Again, I mentioned having a fire in our firepit. This is a preferred activity for the whole family, and is something we do almost year-round on nice evenings. We have learned that getting Mom some fresh air every day helps to keep her mood more even, and is something she enjoys quite a bit.

Sweet Husband has put several bird feeders outside that she looks at. Additionally, her nurse got her a small birdbath that is also in the backyard. Given a cool drink and her comfy rocking chair, Mom will sit outside all afternoon just watching the birds in the trees and the dog on the grass. It also serves as an excellent change of scenery for her, since her trips out of the house to go to stores continues to dwindle.

#9 of top 10 eldercare tips:
Keep them safe

Absolutely NOTHING is worth doing if you can’t do it safely!

We have made numerous changes both in her routine and in our household itself, to protect her from injury. We can’t stop the confusion, but it is your responsibility to predict potentially dangerous situations, and take steps to alleviate them.

The place we have found this the hardest is not the bathroom like everyone talks about, but the kitchen. She believes herself to be capable of doing things that are, in fact, quite dangerous at this point. Anytime she goes into the kitchen, we will go with her just to make sure she doesn’t try to empty the dishwasher, or put something on the shelf.

It might become imperative that you install child-safe devices to protect your loved one, and it will be worth it for your peace of mind. Trust me.

#10 of Top 10 eldercare tips:
Remember your “why”

Why are you doing this? I can’t answer this one for you, you can answer it for yourself. That’s all that matters.

You agreed to do The Job, probably a long time ago, when things were good, and it seemed these difficult days would never truly be here, and definitely wouldn’t be quite this difficult. You are in the middle—the worst part—of this journey, and facing not just daily but minute-to-minute stresses and struggles. When you can find a quiet moment to think, when you aren’t too exhausted, and nobody is in your ear asking for something from you, remember your why. Let your why wash over you, and fill you back up, so that tomorrow you can wake up, and do it all over again. They need you.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Thank you for reading my first quick list of tips for eldercare!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out some other tips, like eldercare home preparations, here, or eldercare finances, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! What are your next steps in eldercare? Let me know!

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