Managing the Finances for your Loved one and the Elderly

So you’re going to start to do The Job? Or, you’re already doing it and finding that commingled funds is not the best way to go. No matter where you are on your journey, now is a great time to discuss how to handle the finances with the least inconvenience to you, and to protect your assets if things start to get worse. Let’s talk about managing finances for the elderly.

To Be Fair: I DID Have A Small Advantage

I’ve been very fortunate on this front, as Pop was an amazing planner and financier. My parents had no education past high school, so Pop was entirely self-taught. In addition to his constant reading and researching, Pop had two brothers and three sisters who were all much older than him – Pop was a change-of-life baby – and they stepped in to give financial advice.

During my lifetime, Pop worked two or three jobs as long as I can remember. He worked days as a letter carrier for USPS, he worked part-time at night in a flag factory, and he was an Army Reservist for 32 years. While Mom stayed home in the early years, by the time I was in school, she was working in the high school cafeteria near our house.

They worked hard, they saved, they invested wisely and consistently, and they were comfortable in their retirement.

Yes, I understand many of you will not have the level of financial security my parents have continued to enjoy. Fortunately, my situation has made it unnecessary for me to impose on my own family finances to take care of either of my parents. If finances are an issue in your situation, stay tuned for a future blog about how to manage that scenario.

Deciding HOW to Manage the Finances

Pop was sharp as a tack until his very last day, so we had multitudes of conversations about finances. Mom, on the other hand, was great until about three years ago. Then, we reached a point where we couldn’t discuss finances anymore. Ideally, you have been having conversations about end of life decisions for years now.

If you haven’t–this is your wakeup call!

These eventualities will hit you at some point, and the more prepared you are the better. Managing the finances for your elderly loved ones should not be built on quick decisions.

What I Did

It was obvious decades ago that my parents would ultimately come live with me. In the early years, my sister and I were both on all legal documents, but that changed. When I moved across the country, it became obvious that making decisions could not be a shared thing.

This has been proven to be the right course of action over and over through the years. I’ve had to make snap, immediate decisions about the health and medical care for both of my parents. There is no way I could have operated under the “team” set-up. The Job is a one-person show, make no mistake about it.

My Suggestion To You

Begin today to have short, but open and frank discussions, with your parents about finances. Specifically, discuss how they want you to be managing their finances as they become more elderly.

Start small and easy. But start. LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG before Pop’s sixth and final cancer, I had a crystal clear picture of what I would be dealing with after he passed. This doesn’t just happen. You clearly have their trust and respect, since you’ve been hired for this unpaid party, now leverage that to actual information.

Making The changes now

So, I come from a big family, and my sweet husband comes from an even bigger family. In both families, the “responsible caregiver” was decided years and years ago, through the passage of time.  During those years, there are many different ways for the caregiver to step in to start asserting their legal rights regarding the finances.

I know, what I’m recommending isn’t easy, but it is so very worth it.

In my situation, my parents were extremely clear with all five of us about their financial situation. In my husband’s situation, he was never privy to his parents financial situation—but he wasn’t the ultimate caregiver, either. His sister’s, I am certain, had all of the relevant information from the beginning. As time passed, Pop narrowed down what was shared outside of my house, and by the time he passed, my siblings had very little information about their situation.

Overall, this narrowing of information outflow is a difficult to achieve, but necessary to silence the noise. You see, “the noise” from everyone else makes decision-making that much more harder for everyone.

Getting the paperwork in order

Pop’s incredible financial mind led the way with them creating and maintaining end-of-life documents, financial and otherwise. This is your starting point with your loved one: What do they have in place? What needs to be created? How can we help them?

Hopefully your parents have a Revocable Living Trust, or at the very least a Will. I am NOT in any way, shape or form a legal expert. The best advice I can give you is…GET A LEGAL EXPERT.

You need someone who is unbiased, and has no emotional or financial “skin in the game.” This person will make sure the documents are legally acceptable, and will hold up in court if necessary. GET. A. LAWYER. 

The Bare Minimum

Minimally, you need to secure a Power of Attorney, and a Living Will for the person you are caring for. These two documents will make everything easier for you—particularly mentally. Knowing my parents’ wishes well in advance has helped me to carry them out with no guilt or problems of conscience. I know, what I am doing is what they directed me to do when times were good. This way, they are NOT reactive decisions made by their hospital beds. 

How To Truly Start Managing the Finances of your elderly loved ones

First, Go To The Bank

Your first stop is very simple. The first thing I did for my parents was take over management of their checking and savings accounts. This happened when Pop started to get really sick and was hospitalized during the last few years of his life. This effortless job entailed keeping an eye on the balance, and moving money from savings if it got low. 

What about their bills?

My parents live with me, so all of their bills have been paid by my husband and me for years, with very few exceptions. The only notable bills I have to watch for Mom are the car insurance (her caregiver uses her car to take her shopping) and the credit card.

Use. Auto. Pay. I’ll say it again—AUTO-PAY EVERYTHING.

I’ll usually monitor the checking account once a month, but today’s technology has really assisted with keeping my parents finances secure. Take advantage of all your technological recourses as they become available.

How do you handle credit cards and cash?

As you know, Mom is frequently sundowning. Sometimes, sundown comes to our house around the same time as sunrise. HOWEVER, she is adamant that she needs her own cash and credit card in her purse at all times. Weeks go by when she doesn’t leave the house, but she is relentless about making sure there is cash in her wallet, and her credit card is there. 

Why would I choose this topic to fight about? It makes her feel empowered and independent. It’s up to you, but I think we should all give our parents that gift.

But, they won’t tell me anything…

This is a frequent complaint from people starting The Job. Your parents aren’t comfortable or happy about this ruthless devil called the aging process, and it is common for them to fight you about information for their investments and financial holdings. I understand their reticence. Really I do.

However, you can’t do the job without this information.

You can’t support them without the proper tools.

Therefore, this is non-negotiable.

That is why I advocate for starting these conversations very early on in the process. I was fully aware of my parents financial holdings decades ago. Every year, on New Year’s, Pop would create a spreadsheet (before they were popular!!!) of what their holdings were on that date, and we would go through it together. It’s a habit I’ve picked up from him that I do now every January 1.

It is impossible for you to be an adequate caregiver without having a full and complete picture of what you are dealing with.

Start that conversation.

Now.

I’ll wait…

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out some other tips, like eldercare home preparations, here, or check out another story, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment how YOU started the conversation! What are your next steps in eldercare? Let me know!

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