So, Mom, what’s today’s fantasy?

Welcome back to Crazytown, dear readers! Let’s talk about handling the dementia-induced delusions. I’m going to take today to share with you some of the amazing fantasy lives of my mother.

I’ll tell you she comes by it naturally—her mother, Nanny, had some tall tales to tell through the years, as well. As Mom dips deeper and deeper into fantasy life, some of the stories have gotten very detailed, and humorous.

My top recommendation for anyone Mayoring Crazytown: Laugh as much as you can—the tears are coming either way.

So, let’s talk about the various stories that color my days…

The Many Dementia-Induced, Delusions of Mom & Nanny’s “Stories”

Jimmy Stewart on Horseback?

The Truth

Nanny was born in 1908, and passed 90 years later quietly in her bed. She had an amazing life, and had tons of real things to tell me about when I would visit her down the shore in New Jersey. A longtime resident of the state, Nanny didn’t venture out too far, eventually moving to Florida with her daughters during the final years. 

The Story

She did, however, spend a glorious day in Texas riding horseback with Jimmy Stewart. She was only in Texas for this one activity, and had no other Texas tales to tell. This activity, though, was repeated many times over the years, and became, legen—wait for it—dary! Nanny and Mr. Stewart spent a long, lazy morning riding in the old west, with no roads, towns, or other people in their path.

Wearing traditional Western wear, Nanny was a natural in the saddle, trotting and cantering through the desert and forest next to her beloved Jimmy. As a refined gentlewoman (really stretching some truth here, people), Nanny was too much a lady to spill the tee about how the afternoon went. Suffice it to say, a long, leisurely rest with a picnic and a blanket turned into a warm and exciting memory for Nanny. 

In reality, Nanny never visited Texas, never rode a horse, and NEVER met the wonderful Mr. Jimmy Stewart. But this story would certainly put a smile on her face every time.

The honeymoon on the Titanic

The Truth

So Nanny was born into a poor family in Newark, New Jersey, among a large family of girls. (That part is true!!) Among her many accomplishments, she did work at the original Edison factory in New Jersey, and even got my mom a job there. (Also actually true!!).

Not unlike young girls in her position, Nanny was married very young. Stories ranged from age 13 to age 15. Either way, she was married very young. Nanny was also fortunate to marry a fabulous slightly-older man, who became Mom’s father. He was a great guy, who unfortunately widowed Nanny when my mom was only 18. (Again, all true so far!!)

The Story

The most exciting thing about this marriage was their honeymoon! They flew to Poland and toured for quite a while in the “Old Country.” When they had finished, they fled to the coast to catch the legendary ship, the Titanic, on her maiden voyage. Not only did they enjoy their voyage very, very much, but the ultimate debarkation in Newark, New Jersey, went flawlessly, and they were left to start their new life. 

Read all of that again. Nanny was born in 1908. Titanic sailed AND SANK in 1912. NOT while sailing from Poland to Newark, NJ. Also, remember: Nanny never traveled! But, it’s a great story, isn’t it?

Starring with the Duke

The Truth

Mom is a huge fan of westerns. The older the better, and anything starring The Duke—Mr. John Wayne—is an automatic favorite. I don’t know about your cable (yes, we still have cable, because…) but our cable has a station called “Grit.” Yes, that’s right, “Grit.” Twenty-four hours of westerns ranging from the 1920’s through the 1980’s.

So, yes, it runs all day, every day at our house. Mom likes nothing better than a full weekend of straight John Wayne. Audie Murphy will do in a pinch, but it’s all about The Duke.

The Dementia-Induced Delusions

One night a few weeks ago, Mom came out to talk to me about her latest starring role in Hollywood. It seems that she had been approached about starring in a western movie! BUT she wasn’t happy about all of the details.

Since I’m her agent, (okay, lady…) she wanted me to step in and smooth the deal for her. I asked her what terms weren’t to her liking, and she explained how offended she was at the low amount they were going to pay her! Plus—imagine this—they hadn’t signed The Duke yet!!! On top of that, Louis B. Mayer (switching genres here) should know that she only worked with The Duke. She was highly insulted, and wanted me to tear up the contract!

So I did. Ruined a perfectly good piece of today’s newspaper in the process…

The neverending cruise

The Truth Behind these Dementia-Induced Delusions

This is a really common fantasy that Mom has, and it’s the one I really wish was a reality, let me tell you!

According to Mom, she’s still on the ship, and is very upset because she doesn’t know who will be picking her up at the dock tomorrow. We are always coming from a different island—usually Hawaii—and we are always docking in a different US port. It’s quite a bit more than Gilligan’s three-hour tour, believe me. Mom is concerned that she doesn’t have anyone to help her with her luggage, and if somebody isn’t at the dock waiting to pick her up, there will be hell to pay!!!

Yes, direct quote from Mom: Hell to pay.

The Closest Thing To A Solution

At first I had an easy answer out of this fantasy, but it has since worn off. I would lead her to the back sliding door, and show her the backyard. Even though she could still feel the swaying of the ship, once I showed her the backyard, she would believe me when I told her we were not, in fact, on a ship at all.

Unfortunately, my secret weapon has worn off, and she is more clever than I. The last time this fantasy visited us, I walked her to the back door so she could see we were on land. “That isn’t land, Patricia” she told me, “That is the miniature golf course.”

Mom: 1 | Patti: 0

The indians are coming!

The Dementia-Induced Delusions Brought On By Grit

By far, the most common problem we have with the infamous Grit discussed above, is the fact that some of these movies aren’t actually movies. They are happening RIGHT NOW! In our house!!!

These are not always easy to talk Mom out of, and they can become upsetting for her, so we try to stop these as soon as they get started. The title says it all: The Indians are coming, and, boy, are they mean!!!

A side effect of watching Grit 24/7 is that the stories and the characters repeat themselves, and become like friends to Mom. As in most of Hollywood’s heyday, the white-hatted protagonist usually wins out, but it doesn’t always happen fast enough for mom. Many times she will come out of her den to let us know that we are about to be invaded by Native-Americans, outlaws, Billy the Kid, or some other ne’er do well.

We try to laugh it off as quickly as we can, let her know the dog will protects us, and redirect her attention to something else—usually a nice sweet treat or snack. However, we have lately been forced to resort to our other secret weapon: CHANGING THE CHANNEL!!!

So, if your version of Crazytown often leaps from the screen to scare your elderly relative, might I suggest a quick flip of the switch to AMC or TCM. Both of those stations provide movies from the genres Mom likes. They aren’t as consistent with storylines she likes to follow, but for a quick change to get away from the attacking outlaws, AMC and TCM have both become our go-to remedies.

Aunt Dudie’s Baby

My FAVORITE Of The Dementia-Induced Delusions

I’ve saved my favorite for last, because this story rings slightly true in a few different ways. This, actually, makes it easier for me to deal with on a regular basis.

According to the fantasy: My Aunt “Dudie” (Mom’s sister Josephine) has left a baby in Mom’s care, and I have to take care of it because Mom is going to sleep. Mom carries the baby around in the seat of her walker for safekeeping. In the seat, there are diapers, a baby bottle, and extra blankets.

When this fantasy is upon us, Mom tries to leave me her walker so I can care for the baby, and she tries to walk unsupported around the house. That makes this the scariest of fantasies. Luckily, she always brings me the walker first, so I can stop her. I have to put Mom to bed, then I take the walker out of the room, so I can “care for the baby.” I put the walker back next to Mom’s bed once she is asleep—problem solved. Until tomorrow…

Why, Of All The Safer Dementia-Induced Delusions, This One Is My Favorite

Why is this my favorite? Because it harkens back to Mom’s real life as a young woman, living in Nanny’s apartments all over Newark, NJ.

This part is real: Mom’s sister, Dudie, married young. When her husband joined the service, Aunt Dudie moved back in with Nanny with her infant son. They lived there for several years, so Mom did spend time helping Aunt Dudie care for my cousin, Ralph. Aunt Dudie, unfortunately, is long gone, but this story not only brings her back to life, but Nanny as well!

For those memories, I’ll gladly work through this fantasy every week or two.

I Hope You Enjoyed These Fantasies As Much As I Have!
(Or More)

These are just a small sampling of the joys and tribulations of The Job here in Crazytown. This is why I keep telling you to laugh while you can—some of this stuff is really funny!

I would never make light of Mom’s concerns or fantasies, but when my husband and I go to bed, we revisit the fantasy life of Mom. Our hope is that most of it helps to bring her joy and peace. Mom has lived a long, wonderful life, and maybe, just maybe, I’m getting some insights into stories she never thought to tell me before.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

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