This past week was Mental Health Week at the fabulous school where I teach, and I really took it to heart. Like you, I am juggling a number of balls in the air at any given time, and often the “ball” not getting any airtime is my own mental and emotional health. It got me thinking about all of the different, small ways that we as caregivers can support our own mental and emotional wellness. Having good caregiver mental health helps support those you are giving care to.

Like on a plan, put your own mask on first, everybody, and follow me along these tunes to help you care for yourself for a change: 

Tunes for Caregiver Mental Health

Doin’ It All For My Baby – Huey Lewis and the News

“Doing it all for my baby

For everything she does for me“

Herein lies the problem, my sweet readers. We are doing everything we can for the other people. They are the priorities in our lives, and as a caregiver, your mental health suffers.

Like you, I have a spouse and some grown children who are always on my heart. I put my everything into my career and come home from that spent every day. Once I get home, there is the never-ending care for Mom as her dementia seems to be taking a nosedive from moderate to severe to whatever fresh hell awaits next. My goal for this week is to encourage you to take care of you—your original “Baby”. If you aren’t well and healthy in every possible way, all the other aspects of your life are going to be more difficult, and could fall apart.

So, what types of things am I suggesting you do in the coming weeks. Let’s talk…

My One True Friend – The Divine Ms. M-Bette Midler

“My life, with all it’s twists and turns

I made mistakes, you always knew that I would learn“

I’ve talked about my support system in previous blogs (click HERE to read), and I can’t stress this enough—build and nurture a strong support system. Just this morning my BFF and I went for a walk just around the neighborhood, and it was an hour of the best kind of therapy. We didn’t really talk about any of the stresses in our life, but the conversation just flowed, and with it, my mood improved.

Often, that combination of just getting out into the air and sunshine, and chatting lightly with a friend is the only thing you will need to gather your strength and courage to face another day. When I got home, Mom was waiting for me—anxious and confused—but I greeted that challenge with a clearer heart and mind for having that hour to share with someone I love. 

The support system I’m related to is spread far and wide, so I don’t see them every day (or every year sometimes!), which is where technology becomes your best friend. A quick text to one of my brothers about the latest from Crazytown can make The Job seem a little more comical and less stressful.

Overall, take advantage of your support system so your caregiver mental health remains stable!!!

Under the Boardwalk – The Drifters (1964)

“Under the boardwalk, down by the sea, yeah

On a blanket with my baby is where I’ll be”

Feeding your romantic or intimate relationships is extremely important to maintain caregiver mental health!

My husband is the “second in command” when it comes to caregiving, and he shoulders so much of my burdens. Too much, really, for far too long. So it is of paramount importance that I nurture that relationship on an ongoing basis. Once, several years ago, we got hit hard with a cancer diagnosis for Pop AND for my sweet husband at the same time!!! The weekend after his surgery, the hubby and I took off with no notice for the beach. The beach is our sanctuary, and we needed to get away for a quick weekend. It was exactly what we needed for 48 hours—just to relax and spend time in each other’s company and orbit. No kids, parents, school, just us.

Getting away like that for a weekend isn’t free or easy, so it’s important that you carve out time and ways to make it work for your relationship. I have a few blogs going over tips and tricks to successfully escape. Whether it’s a half hour before we go to sleep, or a relaxing dinner of takeout so you don’t have to cook, it doesn’t matter! The important thing is to feed the soul of yourself and the one you love. This way you can be a stronger, better rested caregiver.

Kodachrome – Paul Simon

“They give us those nice bright colors

Give us the greens of summers“

Have you seen those fabulous adult coloring books? Get yourself one! Same thing with a small, desk-sized Zen garden! Get some flowering plants for the yard and some cacti for the occasional tables in the living room. Surround yourself with color and life, and it will immediately improve your mood. Committing to a four-legged friend (adopt don’t shop, please) might just be too much to add to your plate right now, but my spouse’s fish give him a lot of joy and it’s quite soothing watching them wander around the tank. 

My point is this: Find something that could bring color and joy into your world!!!

How about a nice walk in the park? Where I live we are surrounded by mountains that beg to be hiked! All I need is a quick one-hour hike into Red Rock Canyon (don’t miss it if you visit Vegas!) and I’m recharged and ready for another week. Even our local park system is top notch, with winding desert paths as well as tree-lined lakeside walks.

This isn’t a Vegas-only option! You will find every color, every type of vegetation, and every flowers all around your neighborhood, I’m sure of it. Please, go look for it! Bundle up, or throw on a tank top, and get out there! Clean air will clear your mind.

Dancing Through Life – Stephen Swartz (Wicked)

“Woes are fleeting

Blows are glancing

When you’re dancing

Through life…“

If you haven’t seen Wicked, you’re missing out on a life-changing event. Check HERE to check if they are coming near your town.

This song talks about not taking things quite so seriously, and that is absolutely FABULOUS advice to you. No, not everything is an emergency, okay? Not everything demands your immediate attention. Learn to identify the differences, and respond accordingly. Yes, there are tons of times that you need to be on the top of your game and put out one fire after another, but some things you can just let go. Your caregiver mental health will thank you!

Learn to dance through some of the smaller things, and enjoy when the easy days come—and they always do. I’ve lightened up considerably when it comes to different things in my life. Ask my kids—they will admit I’m not the yeller I was when they were growing up. I don’t sweat small things in the house anymore. Now, little messes, dishes in the sink, or the occasional take out meals are a-okay to me. Nobody is grading me as a housekeeper—they never really were. Now my best time is spent designing my best life. With as little stress as possible.

Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad – Meatloaf (RIP)

“Now don’t be sad (don’t be sad ’cause)

‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad“

The great Meatloaf, may he rest in peace, had it right so many years ago. You may not get everything you want, but you will absolutely find what you need, and sometimes that has to be enough.

In my perfect world, Pop would still be downstairs reading the stock market news while Mom makes dinner singing in the kitchen. Those days are long gone, but I am stronger and happier for having had the pleasure of those experiences. So now, it’s time to put that perfect vision of your life to the side—you are somebody’s caregiver.

The Job is thankless and exhausting. It is a 24/7 stressor. BUT, you have so many fabulous things that you can concentrate on. Do you have a great long-term relationship or strong, adult children? Are you at the peak of your profession? Maybe you are slowly winding down towards retirement, or gearing up for a change in careers. If nothing else, hopefully you have your caregiver mental health.

Whatever it is for you, focus on the good, positive, exciting elements in your life. If you focus on the “one”, you won’t enjoy the “two outta three [that] ain’t bad.”

Can’t Help Fallin’ in Love – Elvis (please, the best version)

“Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you“

This is, after all, what you’ve done with one, maybe many more, people in your life. You’ve fallen in love over the years, and those relationships are what is driving your actions right now. I know that’s how it is for me.

You just do for the ones you love. When we were asleep in bed when one kid called with a concern—immediately we were awake and ready to talk him through it. When I came through the door to see Pop sitting on the couch with “that look,”—I immediately dropped my briefcase and sat down without even removing my coat or heels. It’s what we do for those we love—when they are in need of attention or assistance, we put ourselves on the back burner.

Fine.

Not. Every. Time. 

You need to love yourself enough to step away and tend to your own needs. Anyone who truly loves you will recognize when you have “that look” and will give you grace and help. There have been many times I’ve walked into a room, and a quick look at my spouse let him know I just needed five minutes before I could deal with the drama.

So, by all means, LOVE! Love with all your heart and soul. Start with yourself, though.  

Juice (If I’m Shinin’, Everybody Gonna Shine) – Lizzo

“It ain’t my fault that I’m out here making news

I’m the pudding in the proof

Gotta blame it on my juice“

Have I given you any good ideas for ways to boost your mood and your energy level? Nothing hitting you from my suggestions, yet? Well, I can’t leave you without something you can use IMMEDIATELY to improve your day, so here are a few quick and easy ways to bump up the positivity:

• Spend thirty minutes writing in your journal – let it all out!
• Sleep in tomorrow! Hit up your support crew to make breakfast for your Mom
• Even if you can’t leave your house, find a good work-out routine on youtube.com or hit your treadmill (take off the clothes hanging on it first!)
• Have your favorite meal! Especially if it can be ordered and delivered from a restaurant—no prep or cleanup is my idea of a great meal! 

Same As It Ever Was – The Good Points

“Same as it ever was…

Same as it ever was…“

This is a simple and important refrain for you to keep in mind. Your caregiving situation will still be there, no matter how you choose to de-stress or revitalize yourself. And it will be those routines that exhaust you over time, but you can be different!

You don’t have to be the same person today that you were yesterday if you don’t want to be. Your attitude is entirely up to you, and I strongly encourage you to adopt an attitude of gratitude and a loving mentality. Whoever you are caring for isn’t trying to do something negative “to you” by any means, so make sure you are doing something FOR YOU to support yourself.

Ultimately, that will benefit everybody in this situation, starting with you. 

The End…(The Beatles)

“And in the end

The love you take

Is equal to the love you make“

We’ve come to the end of this week’s installment of Eldercare support. Did you find the “missing link” in this entry?

It’s music, of course! What is the soundtrack of your life? Or the soundtrack for this day? Whatever your answers are, do not dismiss the power of music to improve and enhance your mood and your mental health. I chose different songs and artists for this article that speak to me. I couldn’t fit Celine Dion or George Thorogood in—if you have any suggestions for either of them, PLEASE comment!

In the meantime, crank up the fast, upbeat song to start your day on the right foot, or drop some romantic music on your stressed mood to slow your heart rate and mind down.

Either way, sing it as loud as you can, and dance around the office—that’s what I’m doing right now!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out some other tips for eldercare and caregiver mental health, here, or check out another story, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment what your favorite tip of mine was! Where to YOU plan on traveling next? Let me know.

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