So, you’ve become a caregiver?

Last week we talked about the process of becoming The Mayor, and the various steps you need to take to ensure your success. Go back to Part 1 for the first steps you need to take, and the importance of gathering the financial documentation that will allow you to do your job effectively, and provide for your loved ones throughout their life.

Continuing today with more key points to consider as you begin your journey in The Job. 

Review All Healthcare Information

One of the recommendations last week was to establish your own relationship with their doctors, so you can have all pertinent medical information. A few other things:

• Health insurance policies –  Make sure you have a working understanding of their insurance policies, particularly what coverages they already have. This might be the time to make changes if necessary. Minimally, make sure they have a Medicare supplement to reinforce their insurance.
• Living will/DNR – You will need signed and notarized versions of these documents, should the time come to implement them. Photo copies will not do, so make sure you have a copy in your possession now. If you can’t find the documents, their word isn’t enough—invest in a lawyer and get these done again.
• Durable Power of Attorney – Even more important and useful than their medical documents is the Power of Attorney. Everyone you meet on their behalf is going to want to see this document, so make sure you can produce a signed, notarized copy on demand. I’d run this by the lawyer, as well, particularly if your parents have moved states to come live with you. 
• Authorization to Release Information – This is an often overlooked document that must be signed at every single doctor’s office individually. It is the legal right for them to talk to you on your loved one’s behalf. While many doctors, hospital nurses even, will speak to you without this authorization, you can’t afford to take that risk. Ask every doctor’s office to show you this document, and update it if necessary. 

Do they have a Trust and/or a Will?

Please, oh please, make sure they have not only one or the other, but BOTH! We’re back to that visit to the lawyer as soon as you possibly can, because a decent family lawyer will be able to help you create or update all of these documents. 

• Keys to a Trust – An extensive (and expensive) legal document, the Trust will change ownership of anything and everything from your parents as individuals, to the Trust itself. Cumbersome to start and set up, once this is done, it is virtually effortless while they are alive—and once they are gone. Transferring assets into the Trust creates the situation where a costly and time-consuming Probate can be avoided, with the assets passing seamlessly to whomever is named in the Trust.
• Keys to a Will – The most basic of end of life documents, the Will gives all of the information necessary to close out your loved one’s financial and personal affairs. It can include desires for services and burial, as well as gifts and bequests to charities or family members. This is your roadmap for what your loved one would like you to do with everything they have accumulated. Unfortunately, it must be through the Probate process, delaying the distribution and costing your additional funds from the estate.
• What if they don’t have either? – It was generally thought only “rich people” needed a Trust, but I recommend you consider a Trust for yourself and your loved one. It is a much easier way to handle assets after death. The Will, even with a Trust, is important for small assets, anything outside of the Trust, and to convey gifts outside of the family. If they don’t have either or both, stop reading and call a lawyer. Yeah, like now, Boo Boo. 

Documents You Will Need Eventually

It’s pretty interesting how many “important” documents we accumulate over the years. It’s also very, very easy to misplace one or more of these important papers. You will need them upon death or other situations, and these might not be easy to locate in an emergency, so find them now.

• Marriage certificate – My parents’ marriage license is absolutely beautiful—it’s from 1951. Mine (1990) is an industrial, no-frills document easy to overlook. Request additional copies from wherever they were married so you have it.
• Military records – The hardest documents to get, in my opinion, were Pop’s military records. I would contact the local VA now and ask for help obtaining the discharge paperwork and anything else you might need. 
• Birth certificate – Another flimsy piece of paper, make sure it is completely readable, or it might not be accepted. Order extra copies now so you aren’t stressed. 
• Driver’s/State issued license – Significantly easier to replace, make sure they have a current identification method. If they aren’t driving, they can still get a state issued identification card.
• Passport – Probably the least important item on this list, find the passport. You won’t need it, like ever, but it will help remind them of all of their travels and adventures. This one is a keepsake—nothing more.
• Social security card – Another important document, make sure it is readable. Shoved into your wallet for years, it might be damaged or unreadable. Request copies now from Social Security, so you will have it when necessary.

Where Will They Live?

We have determined that they can’t live alone anymore. Whether it was a debilitating accident or the dementia, it’s time to find suitable alternative living arrangements for their health and well-being. Let’s see what we can figure out…

• Preparing your house – We have gone in depth about preparing your house in other blogs, so I’ll just speak generally. Can you accommodate them without the use of stairs? Is this a workable situation with your own family? Is this what you want? Ask yourself these important questions—and be honest with yourself. 
• Finding a suitable location – I’ve had to find rehabilitation facilities with 24-hour notice, which was difficult and frustrating. The best way for you to find suitable accommodations is to take your time when there is no crisis, and look at everything in your area. This will help you decide on the spot where you need them to go if they can’t come to your house.
• Keeping them in their own house? – I threw this in here, because it is certainly a viable option for many of the elderly. If you can afford—or you will personally be—someone who is available and on call on a 24 hour basis. This isn’t something that was workable for me, but it definitely is a consideration. Are you really ready to move back into your childhood bedroom to care for your parents? 

Caregiver Self-Care

A topic so important we keep coming back to it: YOU! From the very first thoughts of becoming The Mayor, you need to be serious, and committed, to your own health and well-being. If you aren’t happy and healthy, this entire house of cards will fall fast and hard. 

• Be realistic – Is this really something you can do? How many hours a day/week are you willing to devote to The Job? Don’t romanticize things—look at the situation squarely and honestly.
• Learn everything you can – The earlier you start, obviously, the easier it will be. Read everything you can find, and talk to as many people as you can about the diseases you are facing, and the reality of being a caregiver. Make yourself vulnerable to people, and you will find a wealth of information.
• Build your team – Opening yourself up will help you build this incredibly important team that will support you through this journey. Don’t be upset if some people just can’t get involved—it isn’t for everybody. Build those relationships that support and nurture you as a person and a caregiver. Those people are worth their weight in gold.
• Schedule time off – From the very beginning, you need to set boundaries for yourself. Are you going to take Sundays off? Will you use respite care one weekend a month? Can you outsource some of the cooking or household chores? Don’t set yourself up for exhaustion.
• Feed your own relationships – I am still a real person, with a full and rich life outside of my position as The Mayor. That is absolutely my own doing, because I have continued to build relationships and keep sparks alive with the people who are important to me. Don’t neglect those people who have supported you in the past—they are the ones who will be here after you are done.

Okay, Pat, Now What?

Welcome, Mayor, to the hardest Job you will ever love.

Now call your Bestie Boo—you’ve earned a Happy Hour somewhere already!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR!!!

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about your new job!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of death vigils, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

Please, feel free to contact me or leave a COMMENT with anything you would like to hear more about! Or reach out with any unrelated questions, comments, concerns, or random outbursts of excitement by clicking here.

Oh! And don’t forget to check out my video series by CLICKING HERE!!!