Getting Her Out Of The House

It remains extremely important through the dementia journey that Mom gets as much socialization and “normal” experiences. This means she goes out as much as possible. When she spends too much time in her room, she just vegetates and watches old movies. Granted, the movies are way better than the current offerings, but it still isn’t good for her. Your elderly loved one needs as much stimulation and mental math they can possibly get, and nothing works better than getting out of the house. 

That’s the “Why” of the situation. Let’s talk about the “How” and “Where”!

What Should She Wear?

Over the past year or so, Mom’s fashion sense has taken a very dramatic turn since the dementia. She only wears sweatpants. This is very much in opposition to what Pop demanded up until the very last days of his life. For years he talked to me about elderly who “give up”. He was specifically talking about widowers, who, after decades of relying on their wives to get them up and moving, fall apart when the wife is gone—not keeping up with personal hygiene and wearing clothes that are ill-fitting and not fashionable.

Pop talked about this quite a bit, because his biggest fear was Mom going first. While that didn’t happen, the thought of it kept Pop dressed and groomed up until the very last days of his life. The very last time Pop spoke to me, he sat up in bed and fixed his hair before he turned to speak to me. I remember it very clearly, because that hand motion, so familiar to me, was then so bittersweet. 

Anyway…

Mom wears sweatpants. Okay, old lady, that’s fine with me…sort of. I make up for this by 1. Buying only good quality, higher-end casual pants and 2. I buy them in multiple colors so we can mix and match, and 3. She still wears nice, high-quality blouses and tops with them. Every so often, I try to get her into some pull-on Capris or dressy jeans, but she is stuck on her sweatpants. 

Chalk this up to a battle I won’t bother fighting.

So she goes out wearing sweatpants.

BUT, I draw the line on house slippers! Particularly with mobility issues, it is imperative that you maintain proper footwear with your elderly loved one. I would hate it if casual footwear led to another fall, so I fight this battle every time. 

My advice to you on this issue is this: Nobody is going to comment on their fashion sense out in the world. Let them be comfortable. 

When You HAVE To Go…

Just this week we had a doctor appointment (unrelated to dementia). I love appointments with our primary care physician, because she knows us all so well, and has cared for our family for over 15 years. She is extremely detail-oriented and has an eidetic memory for our medical histories. She and her office staff are the best. 

But we HAD to be there. At THIS time. That adds tremendous stress to the entire situation. For events we have to go to, I make certain allowances to make sure things go smoothly and calmly. We’re definitely going in sweatpants, and maybe open backed shoes if she demands it. 

The best piece of advice I have for required outings with your dementia patient, which I’ve covered in this blog: HERE, is to link it with something quite desirable. For example, yesterday morning she fought taking a shower AND going to the doctor. I presented it as a package deal, because she couldn’t see our beloved doctor without a shower!

Then, after the shower, she put herself back in her chair and stated she wasn’t going to the doctor. Uh oh… Time for the big guns: “But Mom, we’re going to lunch after the appointment!” That certainly got her attention, but didn’t get her off the chair. Hhhhmmm…. Cannon fire. “And, you can pick anywhere you want for lunch”.

And, we’re off to the doctor without any negativity or opposition! 

When You WANT To Go

Significantly easier is when she initiates the outing, but that is becoming far less common as time progresses. The beauty of this type of field trip—shopping or heading to a friend’s house—is that you aren’t on that tight timeline you are with a doctor appointment. There is time for Mom to have a leisurely breakfast in her jammies, or finish this episode of John Wayne’s latest Western. 

This is when the reverse situation takes place, and you have a chance to fit in a chore or errand that is less desirable, since you are agreeing to take her where she wants to go. Mom, for example, will ALWAYS agree to a trip to the dollar store (or is it the $1.50 store now??), but doesn’t care for waiting around in the drug store pharmacy line. Well…I solved that by finding a dollar store that is close to a pharmacy. On our way to the dollar store, I all of a sudden remember a prescription for Sweet Husband I need to pick up, because she will never, ever refuse something for Sweet Husband. This gets us into the pharmacy, and it’s easy for me to get that errand done. 

Best places to take her

Here’s a list of places you may or may not have considered. Give them a try:

DOLLAR STORE

It’s a dollar, isn’t that enough? This is a great place for her to pick up one of two things (that she totally doesn’t need) without it costing any real money. Plus, their stock is constantly changing, so repeat visits are still interesting

LOCAL PARK

We have amazing parks, and there is always someone for her to talk to if we go to one of the playgrounds. She can chat with little kids and pet a few dogs in the process. With dementia, these outings provide a very neutral and positive way to interact with the world.

SENIOR CENTER

Massively underutilized resource in my experience! They will have wonderful programs your elderly loved one can participate in, and will provide a tremendous opportunity for socialization.

LIBRARY

Mom loves to leaf through magazines, and our library has tons of them! It’s also a great place for her to observe young families, which always puts a smile on her face.

BIG BOX STORES

IF you have a wheelchair, this is a great way to enjoy an hour of browsing in the air conditioning. This may turn into a much more expensive trip than the dollar store, but it’s a great way for a longer outing. Mom always finds someone to chat with in different aisles about something!

FOOD STORE

This should be higher on my list, because Mom is losing weight. Taking her to the food store definitely slows my process, but she will undoubtedly throw a few of her favorite treats into the cart, and tell me what I should be cooking the coming week. This all leads to her eating more, which is very high on my priority list right now.

Hardest places to take her

All places are not created equal. Try to avoid these:

GIFT SHOPS

Mom loves knick knacks. She always has. BUT, in our experiences, these types of stores are quite small, with very small aisles. There is nothing more frustrating for her than to see something and not be able to get to it because of the crowdedness of the store itself. Don’t set her or yourself up for that anxiety.

MOVIES

All Mom does all day is watch movies on television. However, she doesn’t have the patience or bladder control to sit through a movie in a theater. Just getting her to a good seat in the middle would be too much work, so we will stick to our cable and streaming services.

MALLS

As time passes, malls have become too overwhelming to Mom, so we avoid them. She used to love walking the mall for hours, but now the lights and loud music and different stores cause her to get agitated, and nothing they have to sell is worth it to me to ruin a good mood.

SMELLY PLACES

Maybe this is just my mom, but smelly places bother her now. So I do my (significant) Bath and Body Works shopping online now. While smells might not set your parent off, be aware of what will ruin a mood, and avoid it.

The Non-Toddler “Diaper Bag”

I’m not allowed to carry a bag specifically for Mom when we go out. I tried it once, and she got very upset and highly insulted that I needed supplies just to take her to the store. I still take anything and everything I might need…I just keep it in the trunk of the car until I need it. Yup, it sits there right next to my car’s “emergency kit” Sweet Husband put in all of our cars years ago. It’s out of sight for her, but definitely calms my mind!

So, what’s in it?

• Extra disposable underwear for her, just in case. Two pairs…I learned that the hard way
• Extra outfit, including socks. I’ve had her spill on the top half, and I’ve had her make a mess on the bottom half, so I carry everything—even an extra jacket. Oh, and socks…learned that one the hard way, too, and it wasn’t pretty.
• A bottle of water. Choking. Enough said.
• Snacks. I can’t imagine how much worse being hangry would make any errand with Mom, so I keep some easy snacks around in case we get stuck somewhere.
• A towel. Because Sweet Husband has told me numerous times it can serve many different functions. He’s right. So I have a few in the car.

The Benefits Of These Outings

You don’t need me to tell you how valuable it is to get your loved one (especially with dementia) out of the house as often as possible. The opportunity for them to talk to people and make human connections with people outside of our house is extremely important, and it just won’t happen without you. Whether you take them yourself, or make certain that the caregivers take them out regularly, it has to be at the front of your mind on a regular basis. 

There is no doubt I notice improvements in communication and the excitement of telling me stories about things on sale lasts for at least the rest of the day. Telling me about some kids playing in the park keeps her talking (and eating) all through dinner, and nothing gets her more focused and grounded than, you guessed it, that dollar store.

See you there. 

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about how to go out with dementia!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check how to handle moderate dementia, here, or see what the severe stages of dementia might look like here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

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