It’s all about comfort now…

There is no dressing up anymore. We’ve moved past going places or doing things outside of The Facility. Even phone calls are few and far between, as Mom doesn’t even have the focus and concentration to maintain a conversation. The television is strictly background, as even the Duke himself has lost his appeal. 

It’s only comfort now. Making Mom feel warm and safe and loved are the only things I need to focus on.

You would think it would make my life a little bit easier, wouldn’t you? But no, now I find myself racking my brain to find ways to improve the quality of her life.

Quality of life…that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? 

Food…we are Italian…

And Polish…and German…and a few other places that all have fantastic food. Plus, I grew up in a household where Mom cooked every night of the week, from scratch. And Mom could cook, let me tell you. An incredible homestyle chef, Mom didn’t waste time with over-the-top presentation or fancy ingredients, but she stayed within our modest budget and never failed to create something good for the seven of us to eat. 

So, you ask, how can I compete with that history? It ain’t easy, Boo Boo…

• Favorite recipes – The other day, at the end of my visit, I told Mom I had to get home to roast a chicken. One of her favorite meals, this actually got her attention, which made me very happy! She perked right up, and reminded me not to rush the gravy, and to tent the chicken for at least the first hour. It was a fantastic moment for us, and an even better dinner for her the next night, when I showed up with leftovers! 
• Forgotten faves – Since the memory is going, I have the best results when I bring things up from decades ago—like the roast chicken I grew up with. But Mom’s favorite thing that I cook that she never made is chicken divan. Pop didn’t like anything “casserol-ish” so I didn’t make it often, but I recently brought a plate to Mom and she was excited to have this family favorite. It was great to see the lights go on as she remembered this dish from the years she lived at my house. 
• Go heavy on desserts – According to the nursing staff, Mom is ingesting about 10% of the required daily nutrients now. That is, of course, concerning, but not surprising. So I say “Let them eat cake”! At every meal! No kidding—I’ve made it crystal clear to the staff at The Facility and everyone who visits Mom that she is to be given as many desserts and sweets as she wants. I assume it is growing up in poverty, but Mom has always been a sucker for chocolate, and I want that desire indulged to the fullest from now on. From donuts to frozen mochas to cinnamon rolls and ice cream, I’m happy if ALL of her calories are dessert calories!
• How about a cocktail? – Pop was on hospice for eight days before he died, and his decline was like a rock off a cliff. The funniest thing is that during those last days, he developed a taste for a nice cold beer. Always the designated driver and non-drinker, it was funny to have Pop asking for beer instead of iced tea, but we delivered a fresh can every time he asked. Really, Boo Boo, what does it matter now? Bring on the tequila!

Pictures

I panicked the other day, because Mom took her wedding picture out of the frame and hid it in her walker. After our house burned down in 1973, most of our old pictures were lost, making this 1951 photo all the more important to me.

I brought it home for safekeeping, thinking I might ask Big Brother Bob to hang it high on the wall so she can’t get it and damage or lose it. 

Sometimes, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer…

A friend said, quite logically, that I should just get another copy of the photo and keep the original at home. Yeah, it really can be that simple! Armed with this easy fix, I’ll be bringing even more of Mom’s coveted pictures to The Facility. 

The worst that can happen is she loses the copies, but the best thing could be that it jogs her memories and brings her mind back to much happier times with loved ones.

Cover the walls, Boo Boo. Bring good old fashioned photo albums. Show her pictures on your phone. Whatever you can think of to get those neurons firing.

Things That Won’t Break

Between balancing them on her walker and carrying them in her unstable hands, Mom has dropped many things in the past few years. This is a problem on several fronts: I don’t want her to hurt herself with a piece of glass, and I don’t want her to feel bad about breaking something of value.

Plastic…it’s the future.

Mom loves knick knacks, and, fortunately for me, my trusted local Dollar Tree has tons of different decorative things that I can bring to Mom’s room to liven the place up. Whether I am hanging “Merry Christmas” signs, or hearts and flowers for spring, it makes the room much more cheerful when I have some decor around.

Furniture

This is definitely one category that comfort can get in the way of function. Mom would probably like nothing better than to sink into the deep pillows of my living room couch and watch the birds at the window. The problem is simple: She’d never get up! 

In trying to keep Mom comfortable and safe, I’ve had to compromise on her furniture. Fortunately, I was able to bring furniture from her den to The Facility, so at least everything in her apartment is familiar to her. This familiarity has, I believe, helped her stay calm and grounded at The Facility, because she can recognize everything in her apartment. At this point, the recliners and bed might not be the most comfortable thing I could possibly find, that she can confidently transfer from the walker or the wheelchair to all of her furniture, and I don’t have to worry about her having accidents. 

Clothing 

This is a slightly tougher category that I struggled with while Mom was still living with me. Pop used to talk about how sad it was that widowers wouldn’t take care of themselves after their wives died. He talked about men not getting dressed properly or having their hair cut regularly. I’ve remembered his words while trying to balance Mom’s comfort and abilities.

Mom wears sweatpants. That is it. It started after the hip, obviously, when her mobility was significantly diminished, and she never went back to wearing jeans, capris, or any pants with a waistband. At first, it was a little tough to see my mother not really “put together” or fashionable to go out, but her comfort was far more important to me. So, while I only buy and bring her sweatpants, I do try to make sure they fit properly, and I get different colors for her to break up the monotony.

In terms of tops, we have similar problems finding things that she can reasonably put on herself, and that she is comfortable in. Always cold, I make sure to buy her lovely sweaters and cardigans that she can wear over her blouse.

My advice to you is to honor their clothing “thing”. For Mom, it was having nice sleepwear, so I still buy her very nice sets to sleep in from her favorite companies. At least I know that while she is resting in bed, she knows on some level that she has her favorite things on. 

Overall, you need to balance their comfort with helping them look presentable so they feel good about themselves. Even if that means sweatpants every day.

Bedding and Snugglies

I mentioned Mom loves high-end jammies, and that she is always cold. These two facts lead me to something I think is really important, particularly at this stage with Mom: Bedding. Make sure that you are not ignoring their comfort and enjoyment of their bed, particularly since they are spending more and more time there! 

In addition to getting good sheets for the bed, I make sure that Mom has several thick, comfortable blankets to use on her bed to keep her snuggly warm. Over the blanket, Mom has a few different quilts and bedspreads that she can use. Mom was always quite particular with the topper on her bedding, so I switch these out regularly.

This is an area that you might need to overspend on, due to the fact that Mom’s bedding needs to be completely stripped and washed on an unfortunately fast turnover rate. Because of this, she has at least three entire sets of bedding available at any time, so that accidents in her bed won’t embarrass her, and she knows that she will always have a soft place to relax with her favorite types of products.

Hygiene Supplies

Mom uses Yardley soap. Do I think she realizes it is her favorite lavender scent of her favorite brand anymore? Not at all. But I know. I recognize that she has always had a preference, and I am honoring that now. Maybe, one day next week, she will have a moment of focus and clarity while she is being given a shower and it will bring a quick smile to her face. That’s enough for me to warrant spending money on personal hygiene products and supplies that I know she would buy for herself.

Along these lines, keep a good, large supply of towels available for your loved one, too. The nurses require several towels and washcloths when they give Mom a shower, and I want to make sure that she is warm and comfortable in thick towels while they are drying her hair. 

Your Warm Hand

Everything in this blog is about making your loved one feel loved, appreciated and considered in every aspect of their day to day lives. Nobody knows what might trigger a memory, but if something is going to get triggered, I certainly want it to be a happy memory! 

So, I respectfully remind you, that you, Boo Boo, are the single greatest comfort item for your loved one.

Keep visiting. They know you’re there. 

Thank you for reading this far!!!

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading all about eldercare comfort items!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out tax season for the elderly, here, or if you’ve read that, check out eldercare Easter, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

Please, feel free to contact me or leave a COMMENT with anything you would like to hear more about! Or reach out with any unrelated questions, comments, concerns, or random outbursts of excitement by clicking here.

Oh! And don’t forget to check out my video series by CLICKING HERE!!!