Creating a memory book
It’s All About Remembering…
It was just several weeks ago that Mom didn’t recognize me for the first time ever. Last week, sweet LeeLee went for a visit, and Granma didn’t recognize her the entire time they were there. Granma was thrilled with the visit, because LeeLee always brings a sweet treat, but she never realized that not only was it her grandchild, but it was the grandchild who bears her own name.
There is only so much we can do to fight against this beast dementia, but there is no doubt in my mind that we need to fight as hard as we can. “Rage, rage against the dying of the light…” (R. Frost) is my mantra. I’m not going to stop fighting for Mom until her last breath, that’s for sure.
So the very best thing I think I can do to maintain her dignity and quality of life is to remind her of all of the people, places and things she has loved and experienced through her 93 ½ years.
Enter: Creating A Memory Book.
Benefits For Dementia Patients
As I believe you know, I reminisce with Mom every time I visit with her, going over people and vacations and her favorite foods again and again to keep those neurons firing as much as possible.
That only works when I’m in the room.
I needed something that would keep that brain functioning and, especially, thinking happy thoughts, in those long hours when she is alone in her apartment at the facility. That is how I came to find physical memory books.
The benefits of creating physical memory books for dementia sufferers and the elderly can not be overstated. These books give them a glimpse into happier times, when all of their loved ones were alive, and they could be as active and adventurous as their hearts desired.
In addition to supporting memory health, these books help to stave off loneliness and depression in the elderly, giving them a beloved and familiar activity they can incorporate into their often monotonous days. There have been many times when I have walked into Mom’s apartment to find her leafing through the pages of one of her memory books, and it never fails to bring a smile to her face.
How To Do It Yourself
Going Old School
Remember photo albums? Yeah, well, they still exist, and are the easiest way for you to make photos accessible to your loved ones. Creating a memory book isn’t new. If you are going this route, I suggest a series of smaller books that they can go through in a short period of time. If you create a large photo album, it is much more likely that they will lose their focus, and rarely get to the end of the book. Mom has a handful of small photo books that hold 4×6 inch pictures. They each have a theme, which doesn’t actually matter to her at all, and take her just a few minutes to go through.
A Little More Recent Phenomenon
Over the past decade or two, scrapbooking has become a very popular craft pass-time (and creating a memory book could fall into this category). I went through a scrapbooking phase myself some years ago, and I really did enjoy it. It’s a very relaxing way to spend some time, and the results really are fantastic. Better than a small photo album, a scrapbook can be customized on every page with things specific to your family or your loved one. You can include things other than photos in the scrapbook as well—we have put tickets, invitations and pressed flowers in our scrapbooks. Most importantly, you can write comments or remembrances with each picture or item, making them more relatable and easier for your loved one to remember.
Technology Can Be Your Friend
The newest phenomenon in the memory book world is the use of technology to design and print your book. There are several websites that will do this for a very reasonable fee, and you should absolutely look into this alternative for convenience and ease. Recently, my sister sent Mom a memory book with pictures spanning from recent shots of Mom’s great-grandchildren all the way back to family photos of Mom with her own sisters from the 1970’s. Included on each page is a short caption giving a bit of information about each picture—when it was taken and who is in the shot.
Companies have created an entire marketplace for photo gifts that could help your loved one keep those memories alive. If you aren’t creative, or lack the time or energy to put something together yourself, consider ordering from one of the online content creators.
What Should Be Included
You know your loved one way better than anyone else, so this is a very subjective section of today’s blog. What I know I don’t always consider, however, is the dementia brain and how it operates—and how it is failing. Because of the ravages of dementia on your loved one, you should consider including as much of the following as you possibly can, to make your photo memory book as meaningful as possible.
Use captions on every page
While I am sitting with Mom, I can easily identify everyone in the picture, what the scene was and what was happening. The goal is for them to have this resource in times of loneliness. For that reason, it is best if you have captions or sentences below each picture that will give details they may have forgotten.
Include current pictures of the living
Try to keep your photo books as updated as possible when it comes to living persons. For example, a picture of LeeLee at 2 years old might be very confusing to Mom when she sees the fully grown person in front of her. I also only have pictures of ALL living people, so I’m not explaining why some people are no longer with us.
Include pictures of the dead
There is absolutely nothing to fear from having pictures of people who are dead. First of all, the fact that they are dead doesn’t have to come up at all, because you are simply reviewing events from the past, anyway. If, however, your loved one gets overly upset when faced with the deaths of loved ones, it might be better to avoid these in your photo books. In my experience, it is better to have those pictures to recall fond memories, and Mom does not get re-traumatized by their deaths.
Consider adding notes from others
Your photo book doesn’t need to only be photos! It would be great to have short, loving messages from a variety of sources for your loved one to be able to read over and over again. Encourage people to write just a short, motivating, sweet postcard that you can include in your photobook. We are dealing with dementia here, Boo Boo, every time Mom reads it it’s a “new” message.
Consider adding things to be remembered
Along the same line of short notes and words of love and encouragement, consider adding relics from events or activities to try to keep those neurons firing. For example, Mom loves to find tickets to shows and concerts we went to years ago. For whatever reason, these items never fail to spark a memory, and Mom will go off for a few minutes about yelling “I love you, Bette” to Bette Midler (who answered her, I might add) or how much she loved Wicked from the front row.
This Is A Gift To Keep On Giving
Anything and everything you do as The Mayor has meaning far wider than you might think. Every visit is a chance for your loved one to make that personal connection and feel loved and valued for at least a little while.
The same is definitely true for a memory book that you can leave with them. Not only will they love it today, but they will get the thrill of finding it in a drawer one day when you’re not able to visit, and it will be new again. While it is definitely more powerful when you are there to add context and stories to all of the things in the memory book, even when you can’t be there it will lift their spirits and hopefully jog their memory.
This “newness” every time they pick up the memory book is one of the only—maybe the only—good thing about living with dementia.
So, get busy scrapbooking, friends.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR!!!
Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about creating a memory book!
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Resources
https://www.griswoldhomecare.com/blog/2019/december/creating-a-memory-book-for-elderly-adults/
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