Corralling Your Resources

When I started The Job over 15 years ago, I had the fabulous resource of my father. Not a traditionally educated man, Pop was the smartest man I’ve ever known, and was always learning. He read books and magazines, and surrounded himself with quality people. One of the greatest gifts I inherited from him is my ability to admit ignorance and ask for assistance. If there is something I don’t know, I have no problem admitting it and seeking assistance. There are a lot of common dementia resources at your disposal.

That will be your best friend.

Everything related to The Job is going to be new to you. Not only will every situation be something you have not handled before, but you (and I) can’t really understand the Senior Citizen experience. As much as I empathize with my parents, I’ve never been reliant on a walker or wheelchair, technology hasn’t passed me by, and I can remember everything quickly when asked. 

So what types of things will you need assistance with, and how can you find that help? Let’s talk about some of it and some of the common dementia resources…

Do Your Financial Review

As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, this is one of the toughest nuts to crack with your loved ones, since that generation practiced intense secrecy about all things financial. You need to get out your holiday nutcracker and dig in—and don’t let go.

You can’t help if you don’t have a clear picture. 

Pop and Mom were very open and clear with me about a dozen years ago, when things really started to go downhill. At this point, you need to be named on the Power of Attorney, the Living Trust and all other documents we’ve discussed previously. Nobody will talk to you unless you have that Power of Attorney—not the bank, the Accountant or the lawyer. 

Once you have a complete picture of your parents’ situation, you can move forward in a logical and realistic way. There was no way I could have seamlessly moved Mom to the memory care facility if I didn’t know what her long-term financial situation would be. I can’t begin to imagine the horror of having to move her out in six months from the facility because I found out she couldn’t afford it.

As we’ve stated several times on this website—you are completely shooting in the dark if you don’t have the complete financial picture. Nothing else matters when you are beginning this process. 

Do Your Insurance Research

I’ve never applied for Medicare, and have had insurance through my employer since I was 20 years old. That said, this still provides common dementia resources. The entire process of applying for Medicare happened before I became a Trustee for my parents, so I just fell into it. I find Medicare to be an amazing program, and every time I’ve called for information or assistance, their operators have been great. Call them early and often—don’t be scared off by horror stories of wait times.

Secondary insurance was something I knew absolutely nothing about. Medicare will only cover, hopefully, 80% of your loved one’s bills. And these bills can be astronomical. Pop was a military reservist for over 30 years, so my parents have lifetime military insurance as their secondary plan. Because of this insurance—Tricare for Life—my parents have had everything covered that Medicare didn’t pay. It is an absolute miracle insurance product, and has made everything easier for me. My message to you in this regard is to consider a secondary insurance policy. Compare several, and, in anticipation of problems getting worse and hospital stays more common, do whatever you can to secure secondary insurance while your loved one is still relatively healthy. 

Reflect On What Is Best For Them

Here is where things become completely personal for you and your loved one. What is really in their best interests? Not what makes you feel the least guilty, or what is the least expensive. Really. Where are you right now, and what services would be the best for your loved one.

The toughest part about this process is that your loved one is a moving target. Whereas up until the week of his death I could easily leave Pop home alone without any concerns for his safety, that ship sailed almost four years ago with Mom. For Pop, staying home until the very end was absolutely the best placement for him. He required very little care, very few accessories to be comfortable, and it was his firm desire. Going down this same road with Mom is putting us into tons of uncharted territory. I can’t reason with her, she doesn’t remember what she just said, and she can’t be alone due to safety concerns. 

One of the things I’m thankful for is that I am not doing The Job concurrently for both of my parents—they would have had to be split up, and I can’t imagine that. 

What Does The Doctor Say?

I think you know how we feel about our primary care physician, Dr. Fabulous. If you’re in Southern Nevada, message me for her name and number. There’s nobody better, and she has been fabulous walking these two paths caring for my parents. 

She knew my father very well, and supported the decision we made to keep him at home and have home hospice at the end.

She knows my mom even better, and kept her quiet council the past four years as I struggled to keep Mom home and tend to her needs from our house. Once it was established that this was our plan, she went into gear preparing us and our home, while suggesting different supports available to us. 

In addition to referring us to doctors and specialists throughout the many years, she was instrumental in helping us get assistance to keep Mom home, and when we decided to move forward with memory care. 

Home Health

The first stopgap that will probably be available to you will be home health services covered by Medicare. These services will follow any hospitalization—with or without a rehabilitation stay—and is covered to a certain point. 

Do not make my mistake! Have them come as long as they possibly can. With Pop, he was very anxious about the “Medicare maximum” for home health, and stopped them early every time they were assigned to him. Not only did he never come close to this maximum allowance with Medicare, he missed out on some valuable physical and occupational therapy! Whatever is assigned to your loved one is the perfect amount—let it run its course.

The other problem I’ve had with both of my parents is their refusal to do home health “homework”. Every time we’ve had home health here, they have left instructions for what to practice until they return, and it is worse than getting a middle schooler to do Algebra on a Saturday afternoon! I’ve only got one piece of (bad) parenting advice to get your parents to do the homework: Bribe them.

Bribery is one of the best common dementia resources.

I also found that once home health ended, my parents thought they were “done”, and I had a hard time getting them to continue with the exercises. I strongly urge you to work something out with your parents to get them to take full advantage of this Medicare-covered service. It’s the only path to real recovery.

Using County Services

Dr. Fabulous was the first one to suggest utilizing county services to help with supervision for Mom. She and I both felt Mom needed the socialization, and she could not stay at home alone any longer. I will tell you that finding and enrolling her in a county-run Senior Day Care facility was quite the process, so you need to be ready. Obviously, getting the required note from Dr. Fab was easy, but we also had to get additional shots and do quite a bit of paperwork for Mom to start.

The next hurdle was the price. It’s not that the price was unreasonable for what she was getting, it was that there was a cost at all! Since it is a county program, people pay based on their current financial situation, so be prepared to be levied a cost commensurate with what your loved one has in the bank. 

Senior Day Car was absolutely fabulous. It wasn’t in the best part of town, and there were a several people there each day that were a bit questionable, but Mom was safe and active. In addition to two meals and snacks, they had activities every day and once a week they had a local performer come in to entertain everybody. It was a great alternative while she was in the mild/moderate stage, and it helped solve my supervision problem.

Paying For Caregivers

The other two days of the week, we paid a private caregiver to come to the house (another favorite of these common dementia resources). During those days, she would take Mom out to lunch, to the dollar store, or anywhere else she wanted to do. It gave Mom some socialization with a person she adored, and she had autonomy to go anywhere she wanted since she had a driver. 

This alternative is not cheap. I can’t even guess the price where you live, but I can tell you it was prohibitive in our area. 

This is the very best way for you to maintain control over the situation, while providing care, feeding and entertainment for your loved one. After the fall in 2019, this became our full-time situation, when transporting Mom to the Senior Day Care became impossible with all of the home health and her inability to move around. 

What Can You Realistically Do?

I don’t know.

What common dementia resources should I absolutely use?

I don’t know.

Everyone has a different situation, and comfort level with both caring for family themselves and/or paying someone to care for them. I was never in the position to stop working—I have a family I help support, too. Far more fortunate than the majority of people doing The Job, finances for both of my parents have not been an issue. My issue now is how to make the money last, when Mom has ZERO actual health issues. 

Building A Good Life

Reading through this and all my other blogs, you can see that our situation has been quite fluid for over a decade, with different parents requiring different care over the years. While my teaching schedule has some flexibility—and paid days off—that may not be the case for you. Whatever your situation, and their finances, you need to build them a life they can enjoy.

People talk about “quality of life” relentlessly, and they are right. It’s always been about making the most of my parents’ time based on where they were at any given time. Preserving their quality of life has been at the forefront of my mind, and continues to be now. 

My point is: Make the best decision you can right now.

Then be ready to pivot. 

THANKS FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about common dementia resources!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check how to handle moderate dementia, here, or see what the severe stages of dementia might look like here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! What are your next steps in eldercare? Any dementia stories? Let me know!

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