Changes in the care team

I’m Not 24/7/365 On Site, So The Care Team Changes

Do you read the other blogs on my site? If you do, you know that one of my greatest passions in life is to travel. I’ve worked very hard for a large number of years being a good teacher, trying to lead my own kids to be strong and capable adults, and being the best spouse possible for Sweet Husband. Interwoven into that, every day, has been my love for my parents, and my responsibility to help them through their Golden Years. 

But…ooooohhhhh….the lure of travel….

So, part of the reason I’ve worked so hard to build a strong support system is because I have never wanted to stop my travel dreams. Over the years, I’ve had to slow things down, sometimes keeping things closer to home than I would have liked, but I never actually stopped traveling. 

Enter my incredible support team…

Your Core People

You should have a very small team of people that you can count on for absolutely anything at any time. I’m lucky to have not only my kids and Sweet Husband, but Bestie Boo, who has always been on my side. As a general statement, either Sweet Husband or Bestie Boo are here when I travel—I’m with one or the other of them! As I’ve mentioned in other blogs, the care and consideration I give to them is of paramount importance for them to continue to help me in my caregiving.

Don’t let them get burnt out

I worry about the kids, in particular, getting burnt out visiting Granma in the facility. While I worry about Sweet Husband, Bestie Boo and Big Brother Bob, I feel like emotionally they are better able to work through the emotions and stress of visiting a relatively depressing location like a senior facility. My recent trip, however, put a lot of pressure on my kids to keep Granma company. To make sure they didn’t burn out, I gave very specific instructions about how often to visit, what to do when they were there, and how long to stay. I believe that giving them a “time limit” for visits helped them feel more powerful while they were there.

They each serve a different purpose

While my family knows they are always “back up support” personnel, Big Brother Bob knows that he is strictly vacation support. By having very clear expectations for my support team, they can plan their visits with my mother, and feel a sense of control over their time. Another thing to try to do for your team is to make them strictly “fun” visitors—I don’t want them to have to do any difficult or uncomfortable caregiving if possible, so they can enjoy their time with Mom and not feel overscheduled.

Adding Unpaid Help

It’s important to your mental health to have a break from time to time, and there are absolutely support services available to you without cost. It might take a little research and planning, but you might be able to get some respite care without having to open your wallet at all! 

Social service

Starting with your local Senior Center, I’m sure you will be able to find some programs that your loved one will qualify for. Often, your loved one will be able to attend a senior center regularly with little to no cost—Mom loved going to the Senior center before things got too bad for her to participate. Depending on your person’s income level, they may qualify for all sorts of support services, which would be extremely helpful for you, as well. A simple phone call or visit to your local facility might unearth and incredible assortment of programs you can utilize.

Religious assistance

The elderly tend to become more religious, as time steals so much from them, and the inevitable comes to the forefront of their minds. Consider utilizing their connections at a local church or religious organization to help you get a little respite care. Not only will religious people come to your home to help your loved one participate in the important parts of a service, but they often have groups on their campuses that will come and sit with your loved one so you can run much-needed errands.

Adding a Personal Care Assistant

Utilizing free or low-cost services is spectacular, but sometimes you just need to pay to get exactly what you want. Sometimes with changes in the care team, it pays to pay. As you know, I used a full-time personal care assistant for Mom when things started to deteriorate, and it was the best three years of this entire experience. It’s important to remember that I am NOT talking about skilled nursing or an RN who comes into the home—that wasn’t something we actually needed, and, quite frankly, we would not have been able to afford it. Basically, Mom had a nurse’s assistant who could help her remember to take pills, take her blood pressure and watch her nutrition while at the same time take care of household chores and errands I needed to have completed. 

What can you afford?

This is not a cheap option, so make sure you know exactly what financial situation you are dealing with. While we started with two days a week while Mom went to the Senior center the other three days, we moved to full-time following Mom’s fall and broken hip. It was definitely a large bill every week, but when we ran the numbers with Mom’s finances and the fact that I needed to work, we decided it was worth it. 

How much time is necessary?

I suggest you start small to see how things progress for you and your loved one. For us, Mom and Trisha fell instantly in love, but that doesn’t seem to be the norm. To determine how many hours were needed, I looked at my work schedule, the number of errands and household chores I wanted done, and Mom’s comfort level with the process. It was frustrating paying someone good money to watch television with Mom, but the doctor’s appointments, cleaning and shopping that were done for me more than made up for it. 

How to find one?

Be prepared for a long and arduous process of finding the perfect person. You will need to conduct interviews and home visits with different people—and maybe more than one agency—before you find the perfect person. But take that time and do it right, because having the right person for Mom absolutely extended her quality of life during a very difficult three year period. 

Under the table?

You can absolutely save money going with someone you find on your own, but you need to decide if it’s worth it. From my perspective, I needed someone from an agency with insurance that was licensed and bonded. I was inviting someone inside my home to care for my mother—it isn’t the time to penny-pinch. 

Single-Use People

This happened to us several times, so I thought I’d mention it. Once, Mom’s usual caregiver wasn’t available to stay for a weekend, and the other time, I was under the weather. No matter what happens, Mom needs to be taken care of, so I did find ways to take care of her with no notice.

When you travel

Needing to go out of town for a funeral, we had no choice but to leave. In this situation, call an agency and get the best person you can with no notice. It wasn’t the best scenario—Mom didn’t really have any fun that weekend—but she was safe and I felt comfortable leaving town. 

When you are unable to perform your duties

You are probably going to get sick at some point, and with no notice, you will need to find a way to care for your loved one. Since I was actually in the house, I did a kind of “patchwork” care team for a few days—having different people come in for different periods of time. They were able to come upstairs to ask me questions, and even run a quick errand, which made it much easier. I even went downstairs a few times just so Mom could see my face. 

You Just Need A Break!

No matter how devoted you are to your loved one, there are going to be times when the primary caregiver just can’t be you. The care team will go through changes. The best you can do is plan as much in advance as you possibly can. By already having an account with a personal care agency, you will be able to get emergency help with just a quick phone call—which was key when we had a family funeral. 

Remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you taking some time for yourself—whether it’s your physical health, mental health or a much-awaited vacation. The responsibility of caring for your loved one still falls on you, but it doesn’t have to get in the way of you having a well-balanced and enjoyable life.

I take my responsibilities very seriously. I take my own health just as seriously. Do not forget your own needs while you are doing The Job. You need to be at your best.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about the changes in the care team!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out therapeutic lying, here, or if you’ve read that, check out more dementia problems, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

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