So, you’re going out of town?

GOOD FOR YOU! I am thrilled that you have found a way to get out of town for a weekend, or even a week or more! Your downtime and self-care are an integral part of your success as Mayor, and it needs to be much more of a priority than most of us give it credit for. Whether you are hitting the beach, attending a wedding or taking a once-in-a-lifetime cruise vacation, I’m happy for you.

Now…let’s get you ready to go so that you will have a clear head and conscience and can truly enjoy this respite.

As Far In Advance

I had a funeral out of town last month, so I understand that you won’t always be planning around your own schedule for things. It’s possible you will need to leave town with very little notice. Fortunately, once you have planned fully for an out of town trip, doing it the second, third or twentieth time will be much easier. So I do strongly recommend that you go through this process early in The Job, so you can anticipate the needs at every juncture. 

Arrange professional help

As you probably remember, Mom had a private nurse for several years during the hours I was at work. When I traveled during that time, I would hire the nurse to stay for 24 hours a day with Mom at my house. It was very expensive, and the maximum amount of time she could stay was 72 hours, but it was absolutely worth it! Mom got to stay in her comfortable home, and had care from someone she loved and trusted. If you can afford this option, totally go for it.

Buy everything necessary for them

You are trying to make this entire process as effortless as possible. One of the best things you can do to help you relax on these few days off is to make sure they have absolutely everything they might need. In addition to extra consumable items, I make sure to check the medicine cabinet for over-the-counter options. Just in case…

Let everyone know

It’s important that you let your entire support team know about your impending absence as soon as you possibly can. This will help them make the necessary arrangements to do an extra visit that week, or to be on call if something does come up. There were several times when I was gone that I would call Bestie Boo in a panic because something came up that I hadn’t taken care of in advance. 

Right Before

So, you’re getting ready to go, and I FULLY support this for you. I have learned through the years as Mayor, however, that those 24 to 48 hours in advance of me leaving comes with some additional stressors. You will be much better able to relax if you take care of all of these things immediately before your plane takes off.

Go see them

I know, I know, you see them all the time. What I’m suggesting here is a slightly longer visit. Spend a little more time than usual to make them feel comfortable and taken care of, so that will carry them into your absence. I try to see Mom as close to the time I leave as possible, and as soon as I get home, to minimize the time we are apart. 

Evaluate their supplies

The night before one trip, I went through Mom’s supplies one last time, just to be sure, only to realize that I had forgotten to replace her soda. I know it doesn’t really sound that important, but it really does matter to her, and I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. Yup…back to Bestie Boo, who made the last minute run to the store to make sure the soda was in the kitchen while I was gone. My point is that even if you think you’ve covered all bases, make one last sweep to be sure. 

Don’t tell them

This one is entirely on you, and completely depends on what stage of dementia you are currently living with. I felt sure that as long as Mom had her beloved nurse, she wouldn’t even realize how long I’ve been gone. Now that she is in the facility, and the dementia has progressed so far, I don’t even tell her when I’ll be gone for a few days, and she doesn’t seem to notice.

Do I tell The Facility?

Now this is a horse of another color.

If you’re in the same situation as I am, your loved one has already transitioned to a permanent living facility. If you’re battling dementia, they are probably in a memory care place like Mom. So, Pat, do you tell them?

Personal preference. One hundred percent your preference.

If you’re an avid reader, you know I recommend visiting at different times and on different days each week. This definitely helps keep things up in the air for the facility, and also for Mom. I like to see not only how she is doing at different times, but also whether or not her care is consistent through the different shifts of workers.

So here is my answer for myself: Nope, I don’t tell them. At this point, I feel very confident in the care Mom is getting, but I still don’t think they need to know when I may not be dropping by. 

Real answer: Do what makes you comfortable. You know your loved one is being cared for professionally.

While You Are Gone

If you’re going for a weekender, there is absolutely no need for you to check in for that short period of time. But how about if you are gone for a week or more? Again, your mileage will vary, but here are a few suggestions:

Call to check in

There is absolutely no reason you can’t call the professionals to see how things are going. Even if they didn’t realize you were gone, it isn’t a bad idea to check in and make sure everything is going well. They might have a small question they didn’t want to bother you with that can easily be handled in a quick phone call.

Check in with your team

I’m in touch with Bestie Boo every day, anyway, so if anything comes up I know I can reach out to her. While I might check in with Robber Baron or LeeLee while I’m gone, I don’t sweat it at all. They are grown adults who have Granma’s best interests at heart, and would call me if necessary.

Enjoy your damn self!

You did a lot of work to make this trip a reality. Enjoy yourself! If it helps your mental health to check in, then by all means call every day if necessary. But, just this once, try NOT checking in and see how it feels for you. You just might like it!

When You Return

I can hear you through the internet: You mean it’s over already!!! I know how shockingly quick vacations can go after all the planning and excitement. Hopefully you return recharged and revitalized to continue doing the amazing job you have done up until now. What should you do when you get back?

Go to visit

I go to see Mom right after a few days away—probably faster than I should! I’ll go right from the airport if we get in soon enough, because I miss her. I’m so used to having my hand in all of her business that it feels very weird to disengage for a brief time. No matter who I’ve left in charge, I am anxious to see her when I return. 

Check in with the nurses

If you refrained from checking in with the professionals while you were gone, check in with them immediately upon your return. Often, small things may have come up that weren’t important enough to call you, but that you would want to know.  

Answer her questions

Depending where you are in your dementia journey, your loved one might have registered your absence. Answer their questions honestly about where you have been and what you’ve been doing. Bring them something back that they can enjoy while you talk about your trip.

Next step: Plan that next vacation!

Congratulations on planning a successful trip for you and your significant others while your loved one was well cared for by professionals! You did it, and hopefully it has done wonders for your energy and patience levels, so you can get back to being the fantastic Mayor you have always been.

Now…where to next?

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR!!!

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about a caregiver leaving town!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of death vigils, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

Please, feel free to contact me or leave a COMMENT with anything you would like to hear more about! Or reach out with any unrelated questions, comments, concerns, or random outbursts of excitement by clicking here.

Oh! And don’t forget to check out my video series by CLICKING HERE!!!