Caregiver burnout
How Many Years, Pat?
The timeline for me as The Mayor is a little fuzzy. I’ve known I would be “called into service” since my youth, but it happened slowly…then quickly…then slowly…rinse and repeat. The first time I really felt like I needed to step in was 2007, so that is where I begin my story, even though my parents’ dependence and decline was still years away.
No matter how you calculate it, I’ve been in the game for a long, long time.
And I’m not alone, am I?
According to AARP’s latest study, over 11 million people in the United States are serving as unpaid caregivers for their loved ones. Eleven million. We should have a handshake or matching shirts or something.
Fortunately, and those who know me will testify, Patti takes care of Patti, so I’ve managed to avoid caregiver burnout for the most part. But…sometimes…I do have some symptoms that worry Sweet Husband. That’s why I thought this was an important topic to cover this week, because even though I am USUALLY fine, there are times when my mental, physical and emotional health decline, and I need a little “tune up”. So, please don’t think of the term “burn out” as the engine seizing up on a dark lonely highway. Think of it like a slow leak in the oil line that you have to fix before it gets much worse.
Setting Yourself Up For Failure
I think most people do this. Not on purpose, of course, but through ignorance. I figured, I’m a smart woman who loves her parents very much. That would be enough.
Not by a long shot, people.
It’s not about how much love you have to give, or how many degrees are after your name. It’s about your willingness to leap into the great unknown, for an indeterminate length of time, without a life vest.
Sounds really, really enticing, doesn’t it?
It’s also, very much, about stamina. I’ve said multiple times that “this is a marathon, not a sprint”, and it is really quite true. It’s not about getting through the surgery—that’s the sprint. It’s about the weeks and months of rehab and follow-up appointments and everything else that comes after the “big” event. So many people focus on the urgent trauma, without considering the length of time before and after the event that can absolutely suck you dry. Everybody knows Pop had a kidney removed due to cancer, but nobody seems to recall the months of weekly chemotherapy appointments I had to attend surrounding the surgery.
So the years of caregiving can be very taxing on a person’s health—mental, emotional and physical. When Pop died, it wasn’t just that he was my father and he was gone…he was also my full-time patient who left a huge hole in my life as a caregiver. I grieved not just as a daughter, but also as someone whose livelihood had disappeared.
Symptoms To Watch Out For
Just like grief, everyone experiences the stress and daily grind of caregiving differently, and may exhibit different signs and symptoms of the beginning of caregiver burnout. Please review this short list with a clear and open mind, so that you can identify if any of these symptoms resonate with you. Also remember that these symptoms can come and go, and may not be permanent residents in your head. Even just feeling one or two of these symptoms “sometimes” is cause for alarm, as they might become significantly worse very quickly, and become a huge issue for you and your family.
Here are some of the most common things you need to monitor within yourself, to make sure you aren’t about to fall into the abyss:
- Withdrawal from friends and loved ones
- Feeling irritable or acting sober, out of characteristic behavior
- Noticeable changes in appetite or weight, or even both
- Increased use of sick time, increase in complaints about personal health
- Lack of interest in hobbies and other pleasurable tasks
- Feeling exhausted all the time
- Increased anxiety levels
Setting Yourself Up For Success
So, our goal here is to make sure none of those symptoms start to manifest in your life. While it is a noble goal, it is also something that will take your entire village to monitor on an ongoing basis. I didn’t realize how much I was personally impacted by Pop’s death until Sweet Husband pulled me aside and spoke to me about how I was feeling. It can easily sneak up on you and you won’t even notice it.
The list above is far from exhaustive—in fact it isn’t even close in length to similar lists I found in the listed resources. I just cherry picked some of the ones that I personally found myself falling prey to during my caregiving life, that I thought might happen to others.
In order to maintain our overall health, and do our very best job taking care of our loved one, we need to constantly be monitoring ourselves as closely as we do our patient. Let’s look at some of the most common pitfalls of The Job, and discuss how you can avoid falling into the trap.
Pitfall #1: I Don’t Have A Team
And, we’re back to square one!!!!
There is no way I could do The Job without a strong team behind me. Not only do they cover things when I need a break or vacation, but they act as my sounding board on a daily basis so that things don’t pile up. I have written extensively about the importance of, and the ways to build yourself a strong team, and I strongly encourage you to take this seriously.
The team I am referring to isn’t your medical team, either, but the small core group of people who work on your behalf, in addition to supporting your loved one. Big Brother Bob, for example, is an important part of my team both because of how invested he is in Mom’s health, and how invested he is in the quality of my life, as well. Bestie Boo, on the other hand, is primarily only concerned with my mental and emotional health—she’s the one who takes me out and on vacations to get my mind off the pressure of being The Mayor. Both of these people are integral to the success of my team, but have very different roles in my life.
If you find yourself stranded with nobody to call or nobody to ask for help, that is a clear sign that your team is missing at least one player. Immediately regroup, and figure out how you can add a player to your team. This might be a professional therapist instead of a friend or relative—only you can decide who plays for your team.
Pitfall #2: I Don’t Organize My Time Effectively
There are twenty-four hours in a day. That’s it, nothing more. No matter how hard I have tried, you just can’t squeeze that twenty-fifth hour out of the day. Because of this very hard deadline, it is extremely important that you use your time wisely, and to your benefit.
Don’t cut corners on sleep. Ever.
Sleep is extremely important to your overall health and well-being, and should not be sacrificed under any circumstances. Even if you reach the point where you need to hire a night person if your loved one is getting up in the night and wandering around—do it! You can’t function from a position of exhaustion.
You need to make the most out of the other sixteen hours in the day.
Create an agenda for yourself. Whether it is electronic or old school paper and pencil, you need to have somewhere that you can identify all of the requirements on your time, the future doctor’s appointments, and the special time off that you are going to need to work at your optimum level.
Then, actually use the agenda. I can’t tell you how many times people tell me they had it all scheduled, but failed to update the schedule when the inevitable changes occurred. You need to make sure that your agenda is up to date, and includes everything that is important in your life. Becoming more organized in this manner will pay big dividends on a daily basis.
There Are Many More Pitfalls!
Come back next week to see the other four pitfalls that I identify for you to be aware of in your caregiver journey. While you might be feeling strong and confident right now, the years I’ve done The Job have shown me that there are times of peace and quiet, shattered unexpectedly by times of stress and emergency. If you are currently in a “lull” in the urgent care journey, please take advantage of this time to prepare for the shoe to drop.
Because the shoe will drop.
Right on your head.
See you next week~
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR
Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about caregiver burnout!
Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out the 5 M’s of geriatric care, here, or if you’ve read that, check out managing medicine strategies, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!
Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!
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Resources
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2019/alzheimers-dementia-care.html
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9225-caregiver-burnout
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