Using Your Phone During A Visit

I visit Mom three times a week. Different days, different times, but at least three times per week. I see precious few visitors in my travels within The Facility, and that makes me sad. I console myself that tons of people visit—they just don’t happen to be there at the same time as me. But the empty parking area, and the look of longing in residents’ eyes when I walk in, tells me that visitors are often few and far between.

You know what I do see, though, in the parked cars and even in the facility? Visitors on their phones. As soon as they see me, they ditch the phones, shoving them into pockets and looking very much like my high school students do during a test. It’s pretty sad, really.

Because that phone, the one they are hiding, can open up the entire world to their loved one living in The Facility. That phone—your lifeline—can do the exact same thing for your loved one. You just need to know how to use it…

It’s A GREAT Thing To Do

If you have an unlimited supply of facts, figures and information at your fingertips, why wouldn’t you want to share that with your loved one? 

It’s a very interesting fact that The Facility told me when I was doing the initial paperwork to get Mom her apartment: No matter how bad the dementia is, patients always seem to remember how to dial 911. I thought it was extremely interesting, and wondered exactly what that fact said about dementia sufferers. Despite my asking, the intake director couldn’t cite me a source for this fact, but it was based on her extensive professional experience with dementia and Alzheimer’s sufferers, so I kinda believe it. It’s the reason The Facility gave me for why residents can’t have cell phones or even landlines in their room.

So, Boo Boo, it’s up to us to responsibly share this incredible technological resource with our loved ones. 

Because I’ve found, in my personal experience, that no matter how stressed out or anxious or disoriented my parents were, I could get their attention with just a few things I can easily pull up on my phone.  

Show Personal Pictures

I’m going to start right off with the powerhouse of the internet—your own pictures. As I’ve told you before, running through the list of family members and branches of the tree with Mom is one of the most common things I do with her. I’ll go through all four of my siblings, then their children, spouses and any great-grandchildren they may have produced. It makes this task significantly easier when I can bring up pictures of the people on my phone. I’ve tried to build up a library of family pictures, so if I am talking about somebody, I can pull their picture up right away and show it to Mom.

Take it one step further, my friend: Build up a set of short videos that you can show your loved one to make it even more special and personal. Simply ask each member of your family tree to send you a brief, ten-second video of them saying hello to your loved one. At this point, Mom will usually answer the video, not realizing it isn’t live, but it never fails to give her a smile and get her to start interacting more with me after I’ve shown the video. The very best of these videos would definitely have to be people saying hello from different places or dressed up in some way. Think weddings, vacations or Halloween for some of these videos. It gives us something else to talk about in addition to who the people are in the video.

Play Music

Have I mentioned that Mom was in a show choir when she was young, and never lost that phenomenal, silky voice had her sharing a stage with some of the most successful singers to come out of New Jersey? If pressed, the thing I miss most about Mom isn’t the advice or playing bingo, but it’s the sound of her singing in the kitchen while she cooks.

Sigh…back to my blog.

So, by all means, play that funky music, white boy (and girl, and whatever race you are…you get my point). 

But, Pat, what do I play? That answer depends on what you are trying to do. If I am trying to get Mom to engage with me, I play something quick with words, and she will usually start to move her shoulders and sing along. She likes it when I get up and start to dance, too. However, if she is agitated or upset about some perceived grievance, my goal is to calm her down, so I play soft and soothing instrumentals for me. When she’s really “with it”, I play music purposely to remind her of something. I’ll play Wicked, because she loved the play, or my wedding song to remind her of that day. 

Once, when she was really engaged, I played a song by Robber Baron’s band, Nationality, Sport, so she could hear him play. While she didn’t care for the genre, she got excited when she heard him singing.

What Apps Do You Like?

Wordscape. It’s the only game I play on my phone. You probably have a lot more choices than I do, and I encourage you to talk to your loved one about them. While Mom can’t solve complex problems even on her best days now, she can certainly look at seven letters and make a three- or four-letter word out of them! Even with severe dementia.

When Sweet Husband visits, he always brings crossword puzzles to pass the time, and more than once he has asked Mom for her help when the clue was something to do with Hollywood. If you look, I’m sure you can find an app or game that would appeal to your loved one when they are having a good day. 

Look Up Pictures Of Destinations/People/Things

We have talked several times about sharing pictures and videos with your loved one, and they are the absolute best. 

But…what if something else comes up? You need to be ready!

I was telling Mom about an upcoming cruise we have with the kids next summer. She was having a good day and was keeping up with the conversation. Then, she asked me what it was going to be like in Curacao. I have no idea…I haven’t been yet! However, I knew I needed to capitalize on her interest in the subject. Thank you, iPhone, for spitting out tons of pictures of that little Caribbean island in a matter of seconds! 

I’ve done the same thing with pictures of celebrities and new products that we talk about. As we’ve discussed many times, it’s important that I keep talking, even if Mom isn’t showing too much interest in the conversation. In my experience, being able to share images of the things I’m talking about makes it much more likely that she will become interested.

Read Books/Articles/Blogs

Hell, Boo Boo, read her THIS blog! 

In the interest of keeping the conversation going, and to cut through the unfortunate silence much of her life has become now, I will read things that used to be of interest to her. Mom had such an intense interest in music and Hollywood back in the day, that I try to keep those topics close by so I can read to her things that might catch her interest. While it isn’t exactly “current events”, I can often find information about old movies and movie stars that she hasn’t heard before.

Mom was never into books, but the real goal of reading aloud to a dementia patient is the soothing and comforting cadence of my voice. So, yeah, Mom now reads John Grisham and Colleen Hoover along with me.

Talk About The Latest News

ONLY GOOD NEWS IN THE BUILDING! You can actually find good news online, if you search really, really hard! I tend to not use this method much with Mom, but did use it with Pop. I would read him personal finance articles all the time. 

Your mileage may vary wildly on reading the news, but maybe it’ll work for you.

Show Funny Cat Videos

Seriously. Definitely funny cat videos. It has helped LeeLee keep up a fantastic visiting schedule with her Granma for the past few years. The videos in question are of LeeLee’s beautiful own cats, too!

Absolutely nothing sounds better to me than my mother’s laugh inside that facility. If I can find something, show her something, say something that brings up that wonderful sound, I consider my visit a complete success.

So, pet tricks, funniest videos, babies making faces, who cares? If there is one thing the internet has, it’s something to make you giggle.

So, please, share it with your loved one. 

Thank you, iPhone.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS FAR!!!

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about using your phone for eldercare!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out tax season for the elderly, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2 of death vigils, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

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Oh! And don’t forget to check out my video series by CLICKING HERE!!!