When “The Last One” Dies
I listen to music when I work. “Amazing Grace” just came on, sung by the incomparable Elvis. It is very fitting for this blog, as I process the death of one of God’s children. At 95 years old, Uncle Doug was filled with light and love and joy; a happier man you’ll never meet. He taught RobberBaron to play the ukulele, and kept Sweet Husband in line when he was a child.
It’s a big loss to a loving family.
It’s also the end of an era, as he was the last person surviving on my father-in-law’s side of the family. That branch of the tree is now completely gone. It’s a loss, all right.
The Greatest Generation
The renowned newscaster, Tom Brokaw, authored a book entitled “The Greatest Generation”, which has become a moniker for the people who came of age during the Great Depression. This instant classic, available on Amazon for a very reasonable price, studied the unique and interesting characteristics of those people born in the early part of the 20th century, who not only survived but thrived during some of the toughest times in our nation’s history.
Pop very often referenced himself as being part of the Greatest Generation, and was quite proud of everything he accomplished over the decades. We are now in a situation where this phenomenal generation has mostly passed away, leaving us with just their memories. Every day, more of these centenarians and taking with them the wealth of knowledge and history we will never get back.
That was Uncle Doug, too.
Characteristics of The Greatest Generation
As a general statement, The Greatest Generation gave birth to the Baby Boomers who are now mostly retired. Coming of age through the Great Depression and serving in one or more wars in their lifetime, this generation who were born between approximately 1900 and 1925 has some very common characteristics:
- Personal responsibility and accountability – This generation does not waste time on blame—they simply keep moving forward. Not playing the “blame game” or giving in to negativity has helped them overcome many adverse situations in their lifetimes.
- Strong work ethic – Particularly in light of the Great Depression, and the ensuing decades, this generation built a strong work ethic, often working multiple jobs and serving in the military to make sure the needs of their family were taken care of. This is one of the greatest traits I inherited from Pop.
- Frugality – With Pop again as a role model, this generation lived quite modestly, making the most of every dollar. Whereas people now simply replace things like appliances, the Greatest Generation would look to fix it first, not throwing things away until they reach the absolute end of their usefulness.
- Commitment and Dedication – With an enviably low divorce rate, this generation took their vows and commitments quite seriously, working through disagreements and problems as a united front. Walking away from your family was, quite simply, not done.
- Patriotism – Coming of age following World War 1, this generation watched their own fathers fight for our country, so when things turned ugly prior to World War 2, they were ready, willing and able to step up for their country.
- Integrity and moral strength – Hand-in-hand with their commitment, this generation prides itself on its strength of character and high standards. Not one to quit or take the easy way out, members of this generation are willing to do the hard work to get positive results in their personal lives.
The Living Legacy
As an avid reader of this blog, I’m guessing you’ve got one or two people in your family who fit the description of The Greatest Generation. Despite being both in 1930, I absolutely equate my parents with this generation. All of the characteristics above can be said of my parents, and my Uncle Doug. A proud man of Hawaiian birth, Uncle Doug was a living legacy to The Greatest Generation. He remained strong and active all of his life—like so many of the strong and hearty senior citizens I see in my travels. He did not give in to minor setbacks—physical or otherwise—and kept his positive nature and strength of spirit until the very end.
But, now, he is gone. With less than 100,000 members of The Greatest Generation left in our country, their spoken history is disappearing from the Earth. When I think of the stories I have heard throughout my life from people of that generation, I can’t help but think of how many stories have gone with them to the grave. How many tales they didn’t have the time to tell…or nobody to listen.
We need to do better. Right now, while we still can.
Pass It Down
Nanny, the greatest of The Greatest Generation, was born in 1908. Married at fifteen and a mother at sixteen, she lived for 90 of the greatest years possible. I spent countless days, evenings and weekends at her small shotgun home on the Jersey Shore. Over coffee, some beer, and a lot of cigarettes, she would regale me with stories of her life. Were they accurate…well, that’s not really the point now, is it?
- Tell stories – I’ve told the story of how Big Brother Bob videotaped Nanny on her 80th birthday answering a score of questions about her life. I strongly encourage you to do something similar with your loved one. Start them talking, and then just sit back and soak in the knowledge and history. Nanny didn’t mention a single president or political situation of her life, but we got a crystal clear picture of what her life had been like with her family.
- Show pictures – My house burned down in 1973, and with it went decades of photos that Mom and Pop had carefully kept. So, maybe you don’t have a ton of pictures from their youth, either. No problem! I’ve learned with Mom that I can share anything from those early decades and it will get her talking. Along that line, I can get a good amount of information from her when we are watching old movies, too. She comments on different apartments she lived in, what cars she drove, and other details about those time periods.
- Cook something – Even with Mom in a facility, we still talk about food. Every day, I tell her what I’m making for dinner, and we talk about the recipe, what she liked, whose favorite dish was, and when she learned to make it. She will often bring up things that I’ve forgotten, recipes I’ve forgotten, or meals I’ve blocked out of my head (I’m looking at you, Mr. Rabbit!). For his 80th birthday party, Uncle Doug’s kids hosted a purely Hawaiian feast. Not only was it fantastic food, but it paid respect to Uncle Doug’s youth in the Hawaiian islands.
- Spend time together – The single most important thing you can do is spend time with them while you can. Whether you learn a lot from a particular visit or not, they gain invaluable things including a stop of the boredom and loneliness that old age can bring. Further, as you talk to them about their youth, you bring them out of their shell and transport them back to what were probably better days.
The Funeral
So, Uncle Doug has passed. Following both of his amazing wives, the beloved Auntie Jean (Buono) and Alice, leaving his three children and their children to carry on without his daily participation.
And we will go and pay our last respects for all he gave us.
That, my friends, will be the greatest opportunity for storytelling that we will have. We will say our prayers in church, and then gather at his oldest child’s house, where the food and the stories will be flowing. We are very much looking forward to that—it doesn’t seem morbid to me at all—because we will rehash different things we remember, and listen as others share wonderful stories about the man we loved.
I love a good funeral, Boo Boo. I really do.
After The Funeral
Surrounding the time of death for anyone is a flurry of activity and reaching out. We call or visit before the actual death, and then gather afterwards to respect the life of the person. It’s a wonderful time of reconnecting and sharing for the entire extended family.
Don’t let it end there, please.
The months after a death can be the most isolating and depressing time for someone who loses a loved one. Make sure that you reach out to the survivors well after the funeral, to let them know you are thinking of them and the deceased.
We will all get to that position at some point. Treat the survivors how you hope people will treat you while you mourn.
So, before they’re gone…
Your loved one isn’t dead yet! I’ve missed my last chance to thank Uncle Doug for accepting me into the family all those years ago. He, and Auntie Jean, were among the first people to make me feel welcome and understood. I wish I’d thanked him one last time.
So, stop reading and make that call. Write that letter—that generation loves getting mail! Reach out to them and their children, and remind them of a great barbecue or a silly family story.
Do it now, because The Greatest Generation isn’t getting any younger.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS FAR!!!
Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about the end of a generation!
Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out tax season for the elderly, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2 of death vigils, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!
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Resources
https://www.familysearch.org/en/blog/greatest-generation-years-characteristics