You Have A Choice…
My search for Mom’s facility went over several months. During that time, I knew for sure that she needed a memory care facility. Would you believe not one but two different places tried to convince me that she only needed “assisted living”? They never even met her, but were absolutely adamant that she didn’t need memory care.
Can you guess why the hard sell for the wrong placement? That’s right—they had room in their assisted living wing but not memory care. Mom didn’t matter—they just wanted me to sign on the dotted line.
The Time Has Come
I tell you this because you now have a choice. But I want YOU to be the one to do the research and decide the right placement for your loved one. Remember that these are for-profit companies, whose priorities may not match your own.
As I’ve shared in detail, I knew when the time had come for Mom, just as I knew Pop never reached that point. When we had exhausted adult day care, and needed more than eight hours a day of one-to-one assistance, we knew it was time for that change.
There’s no shame in making that decision. We did the best we could for as long as we could. It is just time. It’s not a failing on my part…or yours.
Searching For The Right Placement…
Before you call anyone, before you visit anywhere, you need to do some extensive research. Hopefully that’s how you found this blog post. In my opinion, you need to be quite sure and resolute about the best placement for your loved one before you go through the front door, to make sure you are making the best possible decisions.
As I’ve said before, a strong medical team is your best defense against misinformation, and I hope you have built good relationships with your loved one’s doctors. After I did my reading and research, I discussed the options with our primary care physician. It was her agreement that memory care was the best facility for Mom that solidified my resolve and focused my research to those locations only.
Some Of The Best Benefits
If memory care isn’t the right placement for you, I strongly encourage you to research assisted living facilities to determine if that level of care is right for you. Memory care was the right decision for us, so let’s look at some of the many benefits of choosing this level of care for Mom:
24-hour care and supervision
Our problem was that eight hours of supervision wasn’t enough anymore, with Mom’s very erratic sleep schedule. In memory care, there is a staff there 24 hours, so when she gets restless and wanders at night, there is a nurse there to walk with her…and get her an ice cream sandwich (not kidding…)
Lock-down facility
Memory care is a locked-down facility, which can be intimidating and off-putting the first time you visit, but it is absolutely necessary. Wandering is one of the most common dementia symptoms, and the doors are locked for the residents’ safety. This is very different from assisted living, or other facilities you might look into.
Access to medical care
Mom has transitioned to a primary care physician who visits the facility every week at least, sometimes more often. This has been extremely convenient to monitor her overall health and well-being. While this facility does not have any specialists who visit regularly, I did have other locations that had visits from specialists if that is something that is important to you.
Assistance with ADLs
Dementia robs our loved ones from the ability to care for themselves in many ways. In Mom’s memory care facility, I never have to worry about her personal hygiene or other activities of daily living. The different nurses and aides are constantly visiting with her to make sure her needs are met.
All meals and snacks
The kitchen in her facility serves the memory care and the assisted living wing, and their food is quite good with a very varied menu. Not only that, I can speak directly to the chef to make special requests for Mom—like more fresh fruit at breakfast. The memory care nurses keep their own stash of snacks and treats, too, so there is always something to nibble on if Mom misses a meal.
Housekeeping and laundry services
One place I visited wanted to charge me an additional $150 a month for laundry facilities. On top of the $8,000 (yeah, that’s an eight) per month fee. The memory care I chose not only does her laundry, but they also provide bi-weekly housekeeping services inside of her apartment. Further, if something happens during the week, there is housekeeping onsite at all times to clean up messes and spills.
Activities scheduled daily
Mom doesn’t participate nearly as much as I would like, but the facility does have daily activities for the residents. Everything from painting and other craft items to dance lessons and sing-a-longs are scheduled regularly. There is an activities coordinator on the property, and the nurses in memory care do a great job of getting all of the residents active and involved.
Some Disadvantages
It’s not all roses and ice cream sandwiches, my friends. Some of this journey downright sucks.
Cost is a consideration
Mom’s facility—at $6,000—was in the middle range of the places I looked at. Who the holy hell can afford that??? It’s absolutely criminal. In the past (less than) two years, the price has gone up 15%. It’s insane.
Turnover is terrible in the industry
The fantastic staff, however, are (according to my research) grossly underpaid. They have to do some of the hardest, worst work I’ve ever seen, but their pay is not commensurate with their efforts. As a result, turnover in the industry is extremely high, which does not benefit the facility itself, and certainly not the patients—who have a hard time building relationships as it is.
It might be the wrong fit
The room across the hall from Mom has had four residents in the time she’s been there. I don’t think they’ve died, but for some reason, it wasn’t a good fit. It took a Herculean effort to get her settled—the idea of having to uproot her and move her would be an absolute nightmare to me, so make sure you are making the best choice you possibly can.
What Memory Care Doesn’t Do
Even with all that the facility offers Mom, there are absolutely some things I still need to manage personally. Here are just a few you need to know:
Take Mom off-site for anything
Aside from the Sunday morning trip to get donuts (I’m not kidding—they take a bus), they don’t take Mom off-site. So, any specialists or “field trips” have to be coordinated by me.
Provide constant companionship
While I am confident they visit Mom in her room on a regular basis, she does not have the continuous companionship she had when she had a one-on-one nurse at home. So, yeah, I’m sure she is alone quite a bit.
Minimal changes in menus
While they have soup everyday at lunch—which Mom loves—they only vary it daily. So, every Monday is still chicken noodle. I’m sure it gets quite redundant and boring for Mom, which is why I bring something to eat every day when I visit.
Providing disposable products
The most expensive thing I have to provide for Mom are the items she uses and disposes of—paper products. This can get very expensive, and does add quite a bit to her monthly costs.
Apartments are relatively small
She went from two bedrooms at my house to a one-room apartment at the facility. It’s a big room, with a small section for her recliners and television, but it’s still only one room. I’m sure it gets very boring for her.
How Do You Choose?
I don’t know what the best placement for your loved one might be. All I can tell you about with certainty is that I sleep fine at night. I made the best choice I could with the information—and the finances—that I had at the time. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same amount of research and end up with the same result.
All you can do is your best, Mayor. I’m sure you’ll make the right decisions.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR!!!
Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about what memory care is and isn’t!
Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of death vigils, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!
Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!
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Resources
https://www.memorycare.com/what-is-a-memory-care-facility/
https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/is-it-time-for-memory-care
https://health.usnews.com/senior-care/articles/signs-its-time-for-memory-cared