Problems for Dementia Patients.

“Hidden” Problems For Dementia Sufferers

Have I mentioned how healthy Mom is? She will be 93 soon, and she is still not on any medications except an anti-agitation medication at night to make it easier for her to transition to bed. 

That’s it.

In recent conversations with beloved friends, they spoke of Congenital Heart Failure.

Fibromyalgia, Respiratory failure, kidney disease, various cancers and other things that were crippling their loved one’s ability to enjoy their Golden Years. Per Pop, “the only thing ‘golden’ is your urine…if you’re lucky”.

I recognize how fortunate I am with Mom’s health. Hell, she’s even crushing that ugly statistic about subsequent falls after breaking her hip in 2018! 

But even Mom’s life, with it’s enviable good health, brings with it challenges stemming from the severe dementia that is running rampant in her brain. So, even if you aren’t struggling with major physical ailments, there are a large number of things you need to be aware of before you can truly call your elderly loved one ‘healthy”. 

I Loved My Uncle Johnny…

I haven’t mentioned Uncle Johnny in the past, have I? A truly great man, he was one of Pop’s brothers—significantly older than Pop. He moved from New Jersey to California well before I was born, and made a living as a life insurance agent. Like all of those Pilat children, he became a millionaire through shrewd investing and living below his means. He retired early to Arizona, which house he eventually left to my parents. But even for someone like that, their are problems for dementia patients.

He died of complications from dementia.

Nobody knew he had dementia. At all. 

It turned out Uncle Johnny went to great lengths to hide his increasing symptoms from everybody on the east coast. From sporadic phone calls to being too busy to meet for lunch, he created excuses for years for people to not see him, or visit his home. This went on—undetected—until he collapsed in his home, and quickly died.

That’s when Pop, Mom and two of my cousins went into his house. They found a car in the garage that had obviously been in two wrecks, no food in the kitchen, and over a year’s worth of mail piled on the dining table. He hadn’t seen a doctor for several years, and it was clear that he had spent his last days alone and confused.

It was a legal mess…and really, really sad. 

Unable To Express Needs And Problems

So one of the most frustrating things for me with Mom in severe dementia is trying to guess everything she would want. Not just which cupcake she’d like to eat, but when it’s time to cut her hair, and how to convince her that a blood sample is really important for the doctor. Mom is unable to really communicate anything to me about how she is feeling or doing medically. Every time I ask she is “Fine”, and the only exercise I can observe to make sure she has no injuries is her walking down the hall with the use of her walker. 

Her inability to participate in her overall health makes it even more important that I keep records, and stay on top of her non-emergency care issues. Here are just a few that I’ve encountered that you need to be aware of with your loved one:

Hearing 

I’m starting with one of the toughest ones on my plate. Mom’s hearing absolutely sucks. So, after Pop died in 2016, I took her to an audiologist. Sure enough, she needed hearing aids. At this point, Mom was starting to show symptoms of the dementia—Pop was the one who actually brought it to my attention that year. 

Mom got hearing aids, and all hearing aids are much too expensive, and not covered by Medicare or TriCare for life. She was on the hook for the entire $3,000 for the hearing aids, a case and a charging station. It took months for her to become comfortable with the darn things. She couldn’t get them in the charging station correctly so they wouldn’t charge overnight; She forgot to take them out; She forgot to put them in; She completely forgot them on a trip back east for an entire two weeks. It took months. These are some of the problems for dementia patients.

Then, the dementia got worse and worse. Even with daily private nursing, she stopped wearing hearing aids about three years ago. Every morning her nurse would try to get her to use them, but she just refused. At this point, they never even went to the facility last year when Mom moved. 

So, yeah…epic fail on hearing aids for me. I hope your loved one does better than mine. For now, I’ll just keep yelling at her and keep the television up to 50. 

Vision

Mom has had glasses for most of my life. She wears bifocals with the top part being fairly minimal. The glasses lasted a bit longer than the hearing aids, but these didn’t go to the facility, either. 

Enter the dollar store!!! I have found that the best solution to the glasses dilemma does not lie with an optometrist at all—she just needs cheap readers from the dollar store. Buying them in bulk makes it possible for her to continually lose her glasses and I don’t care! She has a number of these “cheaters” at the facility in different places, so I know they are around when she needs them, but I don’t have to worry about her losing expensive glasses.

 I’m not entirely positive how well this plan is working out, but I think it’s good. When I give her a magazine or mail, she reaches for the glasses, and seems to be able to tell me what the letter or article is about. That’s about as much of an answer as I’m going to get at this point.

So, this problem can be solved with a little ingenuity, and very little money.

Minor Infections

Now, we are moving into actual medical diagnoses. What happens if she has an infection of some type? For example, a recent episode of extreme dementia led her doctor to order a urinalysis to find out if she had an infection. Don’t get me started on the difficulty of getting a urine sample out of her, but the sample did come back clean. I’ve come to understand that a Urinary Tract Infection in older women can manifest into severe dementia symptoms—very interesting stuff. 

Since she doesn’t complain about anything at all, it is very important for me to be aware of symptoms she might display. For example, when I enter the room, the kiss on her forehead is not just a kiss—I’m checking for fever. Same thing with looking deep into her eyes, and checking the swelling on her ankles. It’s important that I know what “normal” is for her, so if I see anything that might be troublesome I can share it with the facility and her doctor.  

Minor Illnesses

Everybody gets sick, and having Mom in a facility surrounded with older people, doctors, nurses, visitors and other assorted people makes it much more likely that she will pick up a bug or two. So far, she’s been pretty lucky, but minor illnesses are going to crop up. Just another one of the problems for dementia patients.

The biggest problem with an ill person with dementia is their complete inability to advocate for themselves. They might not recognize the need for the restroom or the need to vomit until it is too late. They will eat the wrong things even with a stomach bug, or stop eating completely if their throat is sore without mentioning the problem. 

That is why consistent observation is of the utmost importance with someone who can’t speak for themselves. Be aware of the habits and routines for your loved one, so you will notice immediately if something is amiss. You might be the only one who does. 

Poor Nutrition

Moving away from the medical, back to their desire to live the longest, healthiest happiest life they can, we need to discuss their nutrition. While I know Mom is being offered three meals and several snacks every day at the facility, I have no idea how much she is actually eating.

I monitor her nutrition in several ways. Obviously, the blood and urine tests done regularly by her doctor are quite helpful in this regard. Every week, I check her entire body to make sure she has no open sores or injuries, and to see if she is losing weight. I ask the facility to let me know if she skips meals (which is a very regular thing for her now), and how much she eats. Finally, I take matters into my own hands. I bring a banana every visit, usually with some grapes or an apple cut up, too. She regularly gets leftovers of the meals she most enjoyed, and sometimes her favorite fast food stuff, too. 

And desserts…lots and lots of desserts. She’s almost 93—let her eat cake!!!

Poor Hygiene

Pop made me promise decades ago that I would force him to maintain his hygiene and personal appearance. He thought it was incredibly sad how men who lost their wives just sort of “gave up” and stopped taking care of themselves. He was a firm believer in looking good and put together at all times, and that doing so helped improve your mental state. 

Mom is starting to not care just a little too much for my liking; it’s one of the biggest problems for dementia patients. That’s why it is extremely important that I maintain her personal hygiene as best I can. While I know the facility is doing the best they can, she still has the right to say no to them. 

Nobody says no to me.

So, every week, we have a long “personal hygiene” session. She gets a long shower, which helps me inspect her body and monitor weight loss. I pluck any lose hairs, apply lotion and help her get dressed in her favorite outfits. She always—without exception—feels better and acts more like herself on these days. 

It’s worth your every effort to help them maintain their dignity in this manner. 

Movement To Moderate Or Severe Dementia

As you can see, I’ve had to make changes and adaptations as Mom has moved from mild to moderate and now to severe dementia. As The Mayor, I have to be something of a chameleon—reacting and adjusting based on whatever I walk into. 

So, take a little time to make sure you are taking care of these important non-emergency services. It will not only assure you that you are doing everything you possibly can, but it will definitely maintain a great standard of living and care for your loved one.

No matter what, don’t forget the lessons of Uncle Johnny. Stay alert, my friends!

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about problems for dementia patients!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of my Mother-In-Law story, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

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