Routine Eldercare

The “Diagnosis” Isn’t All That Matters

I’ve talked extensively about Pop’s final days with me. He was strong, he was confident and he was completely comfortable with how we had handled his illnesses and the decline he faced. He was at peace. 

Except…about Mom.

A month before he died, Pop and I sat down, as we often did, to discuss any pressing matters, and review upcoming appointments or events in the family. On this day he wanted to talk about Mom, and he wasn’t happy. 

He had a list.

Of grievances.

Not against me, exactly, but things that weren’t being handled properly because of his extensive illnesses. 

“Mom’s teeth hurt” was how he started the conversation. “Okay” I said, and there was a vague question mark at the end of my sentence. “Her glasses aren’t working anymore, and she can’t hear a damn thing I say” was his next complaint. 

This time I got where he was going with this litany. We had ignored Mom’s very strong health because of the ongoing problems we had with Pop. We had let her down, the both of us. Due to the multiple specialists, the weekly chemo, and the battery of tests they were constantly doing on Pop, we had completely dropped the ball on preventative care for Mom, even though they are the exact same age. We were so consumed with the tragedy unfolding in front of us that we hadn’t taken care of the people we swore to protect. 

At the end of this conversation, Pop made me promise that “when this is over, you’ll make Mom take care of her own health”. I promised.

I’ve kept that promise. 

Taking care of non-emergency procedures is extremely important for your loved one, and anyone else in your span of control. If we don’t pay attention to the health and well-being of the whole person—mentally, emotionally and physically—we open ourselves up to the possibility that they will have extensive problems in the near future. 

Start At The Top

I am very confident that your loved one has a fantastic primary care physician already. Even before you started with the routine eldercare. If they didn’t, you would be in the market to find another one, because you don’t need me to tell you that this is the Quarterback of your entire operation. The relationship that we have built with our primary doctor has sustained my entire family for almost twenty years now, and I have no doubt whatsoever that she extended Pop’s life by at least two years. 

Find somebody that’s good. Accept nothing less. 

Since Dr. Wonderful cares for our entire family, she and I have built a strong relationship of mutual respect. She speaks to me plainly and freely about what we are facing, and the best way to handle any situation. 

The best part is that our relationship spans generations—she cares for my parents, me and Sweet Husband, and our kids—so I’ve been in frequent contact with her office for years. Since she is everybody’s doctor, I always made appointments for both parents together for their routine eldercare and otherwise. This way, I knew that Mom’s basic needs were being met. Now, she wouldn’t tell the doctor about any aches or pains she might have had, but at least she was being seen on a regular basis.

I just didn’t keep up with anything else.

Do better than me. 

Don’t Forget These Ancillary Services

So, let’s say your loved one is as lucky as Mom, and has absolutely no medical problems that require a specialist or medication. Isn’t it fantastic?

There are still other routine things that need to be taken care of, and other examinations your loved one needs on an ongoing basis, even if they aren’t in the late stages of eldercare. Here are a few reminders of basic things that might have fallen through the cracks at your house:

Eyes

Mom has worn glasses for decades, and she was definitely due for a new prescription by the time Pop died. She needed a little more than the routine eldercare for her eyes. When I finally took her for a comprehensive eye exam, the doctor was concerned about both her cataracts and the extra skin she has on her eyes. We ended up needing to do cataract surgery to remove the cataracts. See—she isn’t Wonder Woman!

Several years later, a small growth under her right eye appeared and was determined to be cancerous, requiring extensive eye surgery. While the small growth was found by Dr. Wonderful, it was great to already have an existing relationship with the ophthalmologist to get the cancer taken care of in a timely manner.

Ears

Nobody wants to admit their hearing is going, but Mom was having trouble hearing even during the last year of Pop’s decline. Shortly after his passing, a visit to a local hearing specialist—at our local Costco!—revealed that her hearing loss was quite extensive, and they gave her hearing aids.

She has since stopped using them as the dementia has progressed, but I wanted to give a shout-out to Costco. Mom was back to them multiple times for adjustments, assistance with batteries, and just general information, and they would see her for these questions without an appointment. Excellent service at a warehouse store price!

Blood tests

Since we saw Dr. Wonderful twice a year, it was easy to keep Mom up to date with her blood tests. She was actually moved from twice to only once a year several years ago, since there was absolutely nothing showing up in any blood test that was a concern for us. We did this for Mom’s comfort, since she was quite adverse to having blood drawn each time. No need for additional tests if they aren’t warranted.

Urine and stool

This has always been a problem with Mom, as she views these types of tests as “undignified”, especially with the methods that collections are done nowadays. With the dementia at the severe stage, getting these types of samples has become a Herculean effort on the part of the facility and me. Recently, her doctor ordered a urine test to check for a urinary tract infection, and it took us about a week to “catch” her at the right time to gather a sample. 

Podiatrist

My parents love love love their podiatrist! This is one of those specialists that many people overlook, and I strongly encourage you to make sure your loved one visits the podiatrist on a regular basis. While neither of my parents really need any help or support with their feet, they absolutely loved the “pampering” that is done at this appointment. Further, the ability to have their feet evaluated—especially if diabetes is in your picture—and their nails professionally cut is invaluable. 

Their Best Friends

So we mentioned the “pampering” my parents received at the podiatrist above when discussing medical professionals. Don’t discount the importance of non-medical routine appointments that might improve the quality of life for your loved one in eldercare! 

Hair Stylist

Mom’s facility has a hair stylist onsite twice a week, so Mom has the opportunity to get her hair cut and even styled right there. It is extremely convenient, and I will tell you that it is not overpriced at all! When she was home recovering from her fall, however, I needed to do something and I certainly wasn’t going to cut it myself! Fortunately for me, Mom’s favorite stylist agreed to come to the house to give her a trim, since she couldn’t get to the salon. If your preferred stylists won’t agree to this, a quick Google search will find you numerous hair professionals who will be happy to visit your home. 

Nail salon

Along the same lines as having her hair done, Mom loves when someone fusses over her finger- and toenails. If this ritual has been a part of your loved one’s life, do your best to keep the tradition alive as long as you can. They have fewer and fewer pleasures as they start to decline in old age, and if this is important to your loved one, it is absolutely worth the price. As with hair stylists, if their favorite person won’t make a house call, you’ll find plenty of people who will in your area. 

It’s All About Normality

Everyone talks about “quality of life,” but what that means is different for everyone. You know better than anyone the small, daily things that make your loved one happy. I know how to make Mom’s tea, and you know their favorite lunch sandwich. Why wouldn’t we extend that to other things that will not only delight them, but keep them as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

Treat them like a “regular” person, even as dementia, Alzheimer’s or just old age starts to rob them of their indulgences and dignity. They deserve to be as healthy as possible for as long as possible, even if these doctor’s visits are difficult or inconvenient for you. 

You’d take perfect care of your child, wouldn’t you? No difference.

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about routine eldercare!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of my Mother-In-Law story, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or maybe you want to hear more about Pop, here. Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

Please, feel free to contact me or leave a COMMENT with anything you would like to hear more about! Or reach out with any unrelated questions, comments, concerns, or random outbursts of excitement by clicking here.

Oh! And don’t forget to check out my video series by CLICKING HERE!!!