Yeah, It’s Time To Hire Help

In fall, 2018, Mom started showing signs that independent living was no longer possible. Since she had been living with us for years, the only time she was alone was when we were working. So she needed to “get a job” so she would be cared for while I was at school. To cover the five days, she started going to a Senior Center three days a week, and we had to hire private respite care on Tuesday and Thursday.

The Senior Center was wonderful! It was inexpensive (sliding scale based on income), was open from 6 am, gave her two meals and snacks, and, most importantly, provided her with peers and stimulation. It was a great choice for us, and I intended to keep that schedule indefinitely. During Tuesday and Thursday, she had a private caregiver/ chauffeur/ friend who helped her with household chores, took her out to lunch, and, especially, visited the Dollar Store with her. 

It was a great schedule. We were in heaven.

Then she fell

All of a sudden, and for the very first time, Mom had a significant negative impact on her physical wellbeing. We were thrown without warning into the deep end of the ocean, and had to react and make plans quickly for her return to health, and diminished independence.

Her inpatient services lasted about two months between the hospital, and two step-down rehab facilities. She wasn’t happy in any of those places, but she was safe and cared for during the initial recovery from the hip surgery. During that time, as usually happens, her dementia became more pronounced, and more of an issue. 

By the time she came home, she was a different—much more dependent—person.

Types Of Respite Care To Hire

Following any type of hospital stay, your loved one will probably need a variety of things from a medical perspective. Not even considering all of the follow-up appointments with the different doctors, your loved one will probably have specific needs at home that have changed since before the hospital stay. These at-home appointments will make a total mess of your regular schedule. Since I have to work, I needed to find a way for Mom to participate in everything related to her recovery, so I used my connection with her caregiver. Here is everything involved in recovery appointments: 

Doctor Prescribed Temporary

Mom came home with prescriptions for physical therapy, occupational therapy and home health nursing. These different professionals came from one to three times per week and different times. Their visits lasted anywhere from a quick drop-by, to an hour long physical therapy session. Mom didn’t care for any of them, really. She and Pop didn’t believe in physical or occupational therapy—absolutely no reason for this, they just didn’t think it was at all valuable.

I know, for absolutely sure, that both of those therapies did wonders for Pop after the kidney surgery, and helped Mom recover faster and better after the hip. Despite a little resistance, we were still in the mild dementia stage, so Mom was coaxed into participating every time she had therapy scheduled.

Your assistant

Did you read the section above about how often each of those people came to my house weekly for months? Well, I work. You work. We need to keep working.

At this time, I tried to move my Tuesday/Thursday caregiver to full time five days a week. In an incredible stroke of karma, Mom’s caregiver became available full time while Mom was in rehab, so we moved seamlessly from two to five days. It’s a miracle she was able to have 40-hours a week caregiving with one single person.

Her respite care provider, “Mary,” was able to manage all of the appointments outside and within our home during the work week, so I could continue my normal life. There were absolutely times I would get phone calls from doctors offices or related to at-home therapy, but at least I didn’t blow 20-30 sick days taking care of these things myself. 

Choosing Unpaid Employees

This is a very short, but extremely important, part of this week’s blog:

YOU ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES

In addition to the addition of three new doctors following the fall, Mom also had new at-home services that included three different providers. 

That’s a lot of new people in the life of a dementia patient.

She didn’t like them all. Ok…she absolutely hated one of them.

This isn’t a time for you to be meek and gentle and kind. These people are people you hire to come into your home, provide respite care your parent may not even want—they need to be acceptable to the patient as well as you. Be ready to say “No, thank you”. Not to the actual service—take everything Medicare will pay for—but to the individual person. 

It’s quite simple. Call the agency, and ask them to send someone else. No harm, no foul, no hard feelings, much better care. 

Finding The Right Agency To Hire Respite Care From

I live a pretty charmed life, and I know it. My life is relatively drama-free and minimal stress. I love my family, and my career, and I’m proud of the work I’ve done as Mayor for all of these years. I tell you this because we found the absolute best, most perfect, most loving caregiver in the world…on our very first try. 

Be prepared to interview multiple agencies and caregivers, and be ready to have to step in while you interview new caregivers if the first one (or five…) don’t work out. 

Reading reviews

My investigation of agencies started several months before we actually settled on one and had to hire the respite care provider. I knew it was coming—I didn’t think it would be so soon—and as a proactive person, I wanted to be ready. I started a two-pronged approach to finding an agency.

First, I brought up the subject with anybody I thought who might have some experience in this arena. Most of these conversations ended up being horror stories, but those were important to me, as well, so I didn’t go with the wrong agency. Second, I became a voracious reader of reviews online. 

While I’m not saying local agencies don’t provide quality care, I narrowed my search to strictly national agencies. One of the most important things to me was the agency being licensed and bonded, since they would be working in my home—not my mother’s—I needed to be certain I would be protected in case of an accident or other problem. Right or wrong, I felt that a national brand would offer a longer history and more protection in case of a problem. 

Evaluating cost

The agencies I reviewed came within a dollar or two of each other in terms of price. They were all ridiculously expensive. Obscenely expensive. We were committed to keeping Mom home as long as we could, and equally committed to keeping her safe and comfortable while she was home. We simply had to pay for a professional. 

There are certainly less expensive ways to go with it, starting with just hiring someone in your neighborhood! The care of my mother was paramount, and, as I mentioned, the liability to my family was also important, since it was my house. Look into all of your options, and see what works for your situation. 

When The Person Isn’t The Right Fit

This is the “charmed life” portion of the blog this week. After I chose an agency (www.Rightathome.net) we scheduled a first visit, which was attended at my house by me, the owner of the agency, and the person they chose to be Mom’s caregiver. The connection was instant. Instant. Mary came into our home, and immediately fit in like family we’ve known all of our lives. It was stunning and thrilling to see how much Mom loved her. They were thick as thieves from the first day.

Most people aren’t that lucky. You probably won’t be that lucky…

I remind you, again, that you have choices. 

You are paying this agency very good money to provide excellent care for your parent. In my case—and probably yours—the companionship is as important as the protection from injury or illness. Do. Not. Settle. If the first or third caregiver they send still doesn’t connect with your parent, keep trying. It’s a frustrating process, I’m sure, but it will absolutely pay incredible dividends if you find the right fit.  

Rewarding “The One”

So we found “Mary” right away. We recognized her worth immediately, and knew it was our responsibility to make this position so attractive to her that she wouldn’t even consider leaving us.

In three years, as a matter of fact, Mary missed only two days of work—both related to car trouble. We were so happy together that she scheduled her vacations to match ours so we could care for Mom ourselves without taking days off. Once you find the right person, it is entirely up to you to make sure they feel valued and appreciated. For us, we used a combination of regular gifts and continuous words of appreciation and love, so that Mary always knew that we valued her time and her expertise. 

Just like anyone else, you need to identify your caregiver’s “love language,” and then speak it loud and long at every opportunity. 

Your caregiver is more important to your sanity and mental health than absolutely anybody else. Build a strong and positive relationship with them, and your whole life will be easier. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about how to hire respite care!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check how to motivate dementia patience, here, or see a more in depth look at what respite care is, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!

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