Physical Stuff Happens To Them All

Moving away from the mental anguish of dementia this week, let’s chat about something that happens to absolutely all of us: Physical problems/accidents/distress. Let’s talk about recovering seniors physically…

When something happens to Sweet Husband or myself, it is relatively painless (okay…bad pun) for us to deal with, as we are young and healthy. We have been able to manage all doctors appointments within our school schedules, we can be independent when we are hospitalized, and we take care of all post-injury appointments effortlessly. 

I’m not talking about you and me. I’m talking about taking care of the elderly—who are not able to manage things on their own. 

I’ve been through a large number of physical problems with both of my parents, and have had to manage care before- during- and post-surgery for a wide variety of problems from various cancers to breaking bones. Like you, I’ve had to manage their care while being employed full-time and caring for my own family. It’s a Tetris puzzle to be sure, but planning, as always, is our best friend.

So let’s consider the potential steps in this process, and how you can best prepare for them right now to minimize the impact on your own life.

What If They Need Surgery

We have managed multiple cancers, removal of tumors, cataracts, and have been recovering seniors physically through several other surgeries over the years. One of the easiest things about this type of medical situation is that it evolves over time. This makes it much easier for me to plan. Knowing surgery is coming makes it possible for me to plan ahead for a substitute teacher, meal plan for the family, etc.

This type of non-emergency situation is not easier to deal with from a medical perspective, but the nature of the problem is significantly more calm. That makes it easier for the caregiver to deal with, since you are not overly stressed by an emergency situation, and can make decisions with more care and consideration. 

While it might sound silly to say I “prefer” a hospital stay of this nature…I really do. I detest being surprised and blindsided. 

Falls Are Common

Shocked and blindsided is definitely the best description for me when I walked into the house to find Mom on the floor having fallen. Have I told you that story—how Luna Dog corralled me at the front door and herded me directly into Mom’s den so I could find her right away. Man, I love that dog. 

Falls, of course, are not the only emergency situations that might come up, but they are unbelievably common. While 25% of seniors will experience a fall every year it leads to approximately 32,000 deaths each year (CDC)!

This makes it a frightening and real possibility for every caregiver, and can have devastating outcomes. Mom fell, literally, in the thirty minutes between her nurse leaving and me getting home, so it can happen in the blink of an eye. And she broke her hip.

Yeah, and recovering seniors physically from something like that is a long road…

We were lucky neither of my parents experienced a car accident while they were still driving, but that is another very common problem. With over 47 millions drivers over the age of 65 statistics for accidents—particularly fatal ones—are quite alarming (3M). Failing eyesight and limited reflexes are the two main causes of these accidents, and are almost universal with the elderly. 

Quoting just the two instances above—falls and car accidents—you can see it is almost inevitable you deal with some physical problems in your years on The Job. 

Stages Of The Process

Whether you have a problem brought to your attention, or have it thrown in your face in the immediate moment, there are stages that you will go through to regain the health and safety of your elderly loved one. Recovering seniors physically is different in every case, yet the process is always the same…

Diagnosis/occurrence:

With a physical problem, you will probably have some sort of warning—you’ll see a discoloration or a growth for example—that will lead you to the doctor. This was true for us most of the time with the various cancers. “Something” would just be “off” and would lead Pop to head to our fantastic primary care provider, which would escalate the problem to the oncologists. It’s amazing how we as humans just get a sense when something isn’t right in our bodies, and it’s important for you to listen when your loved one gives you that message. It’s easy to just write it off to old age and complaining, but in my experience, that intuition often led to important diagnoses that needed attention.  

Obviously, in cases of injury, the time of the accident will lead to obvious medical attention. The worst thing about this is that you might not be present when the accident occurs, which could lead to your loved one being more agitated and unable to advocate for themselves. This is the main reason you need to be there as quickly as you possibly can to offer important information and insight into their mental state. 

Pre-surgery appointments:

Even if you are in an emergency situation—as we were with the fall in 2018—there will be pre-surgery meetings you need to attend. Unless it is literally life or death, the doctor, anesthesiologist and other professionals will want to speak to someone “in charge” (that’s you, Gonzo) to get important information about the medical history of your loved one. 

For more long-range medical situations—cancer diagnosis and treatment for example—you will have more time to gather the important information and make it available to the doctors. It is no less important, but when time is afforded to you, things can be done much more calmly.

No matter what, you need to have all of your ducks in a row. This harkens back to a much earlier blog (LINK HERE) about having the proper legal and medical documents at your fingertips.

For example, the hospital required me to provide a copy of the Power of Attorney for both of my parents. That said, they allowed me to make decisions pending receipt of the document for emergency treatment. Every medical person you speak to is going to want the current list of medications and history of surgeries, which are all things I’ve advocated for you to keep handy. 

Staying in the hospital:

We have had some out-patient surgeries, which are significantly less stressful in some ways. Being able to take them home hours after the procedure is much more comfortable for them, but puts me in the position of being the hospital nurse—constantly watching for negative symptoms and making sure to administer medications on the right schedule. I absolutely prefer having them home, but make no mistake about it—it’s not for the faint-hearted!  

So, most of the medical problems we have worked through with both parents have involved overnight stays in the hospital. These experiences were quite different between Pop and Mom, because of their mental capacities. Pop was sharp as a tack until the day before he died. Mom, on the other hand, has declined dramatically the past few years as dementia takes over.

The primary difference between the two during hospitalizations: My time

With Pop, I was in and out during the day, trying to catch doctors for additional information. Relatively easy for me. When Mom is hospitalized, however, it’s a 24/7 event for me. I only leave the hospital for an hour or two at a time while Sweet Husband sits with her. She can’t advocate for herself or talk to doctors, and she won’t stay overnight until I’m sleeping in the room with her. Is it rational? Nope. Neither is dementia. Buckle up, buttercup.

They’re still in the “hospital”:

Both parents have been discharged from the hospital, only to be moved to a physical rehabilitation hospital.

An important part of the process of recovering seniors physically. This time can seem interminable as you drive back and forth to the facility. It is important that your loved one fully participate in the physical and occupational therapy that is offered to them, and this gives you the opportunity to line up home health services, and change anything in your house temporarily to allow for their decreased mobility. 

My parents both hated rehab with an undying passion. Keeping Pop there and participating was a full time job for me, but it was so worth it. 

Post-surgery appointments:

The hardest and most frustrating part of any illness/injury with my parents has been the multitude of appointments after they have been returned home.

My main frustration is that whatever surgery they had impacted their mobility in some form, making it even harder to take them to and from various “check-up” appointments. With the kidney cancer, for example, Pop was wheelchair bound for quite a while, making movement in our house difficult, transfer into and out of the car nearly impossible, and moving through crowded waiting rooms and small treatment rooms a tetris puzzle. One appointment was a full-day event, and don’t get me started on how much time off work I had to take for a five-minute “He’s doing great” diagnosis. 

Keeping The Right Attitude

This blog is all about positivity and strength. There is no time you need those qualities more than when things are going down the toilet. Your goal as Mayor of Crazytown is to minimize the stress and pain of your loved one, and to do that you need to accept as many duties and as much responsibility as you possibly can. They need to be as relaxed and accepting as possible—and that absolutely is all about you and your attitude. 

These are the times we earn our $0/week paychecks. This is what we train and plan for, and this is where we as caregivers shine. I am absolutely at my best when things are swirling around me, and you need to be as well. 

Another thing I feel I need to throw in is how you treat all of the medical professionals you meet. They are under tremendous stress their entire day, and they have to deal with unhappy and unhealthy people who are stressed and lashing out. Don’t be that person. Be the person who approaches them with kindness and compassion, and you will reap many benefits. Nothing is their fault, but many things are at their disposal. Treat them respectfully and it will help your loved one. 

Until next time…

So…it happened.

The fall, the cancer, the illness, the attack of diverticulitis, whatever.

Just like everything else that happens with your loved one, you need to document it. This will help you remember everything that happened for the future, and might show you areas that you need to work on. After things calm down, update the medical files, update the current medication list, review anything that might be ongoing.

Then…get ready for next time. 

Because it’s definitely coming. 

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR

Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about recovering seniors physically!

Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check how to talk to grandma, here, or see what the severe stages of dementia might look like here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!

Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! When is the next time you’ll talk to grandma? Any dementia stories? Let me know!

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