2022 Was A Tough Year
I don’t need to know anything about you to know that 2022 was kind of a bear of a year. Because, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you are a primary caregiver—and that makes every year a toughie. It’s part of The Job that we have signed on for, and that we do with love, dedication and patience. The fact that we signed on for this commitment doesn’t make it any easier. And eldercare doesn’t stop in 2023. It’s full-time, 24/7/365, and is not truly understood by people not doing The Job, making it too isolating and draining.
So, let’s look ahead to 2023 eldercare, and try to find ways for us to co-exist with The Job in ways that will be healthy and fulfilling for us. To heck with “getting rich” or “losing weight”, let’s make some concrete resolutions for 2023 that will truly serve our best interests!
Looking Ahead To 2023 Eldercare
Mom fell out of bed last month. She didn’t sustain any injuries greater than a small bruise, but she couldn’t get herself off the floor, and had to wait for assistance. It’s been almost four years since her first fall, but I always knew another one is just a misstep away. So between the dementia becoming worse and worse, and her balance faltering more frequently, I’ve got plenty of reasons to feel like 2023 is going to be an even tougher year with eldercare. You probably have the same concerns for your loved one that I do, so you can understand how hard it is for me to think positively about the upcoming year.
But sometimes a positive attitude is the only weapon I have.
So let’s sharpen that knife and look forward to making the most of 2023!
What Resolutions Can We Make?
#1: Be kinder to ourselves
I am, by far, my harshest critic, and it serves no purpose whatsoever.
When Mom fell out of bed last month, I immediately wondered what I did—or didn’t do—to prevent such a thing from happening. What should I have done? How did I allow that to happen? Like I was right there giving her a little shove. Seriously?
We need to be more kind and gentle with ourselves so we can stay as strong as possible to do The Job. Pushing myself outside of my abilities or comfort zone does absolutely no good in the overall scheme of things, and I need to stop. In 2023, I’ll take more cleansing breaths and relaxing my shoulders more frequently before I step in to solve a problem. There’s always going to be another problem in The Job—but I’ll respond to it in a way that is more tender with my own feelings and needs.
#2: Be kinder to your elders
So many times in The Job we are working from a position of exhaustion, lack of patience, frustration and, sometimes, anger. We need to stop allowing those types of negative emotions and energies into our relationships with our loved ones.
It is extremely important to remember that they aren’t trying to do anything “to you” on purpose—everything you are dealing with is a byproduct or symptom of the aging and deterioration process. If we can remember that, it will be easier for us to always approach them with positivity and joy. If they had a choice, they would still be the vibrant, independent people we used to know, so we need to help them feel that way as often as we can. They don’t want to be a burden.
#3: Create a visiting schedule
Doing The Job can be so isolating, lonely, never-ending . and all-consuming. We need that team of ours to give us some respite care as often as possible.
However, that doesn’t “just happen”! The beginning of the year is the perfect time to look at that calendar and figure out how and when other people can take over for us so that we can recharge our batteries. This is absolutely the time for you to firm up those weekend trips and maybe a week-long vacation for you during 2023. I would push out approximate dates and requests to my team at this time of year, and let them check their own schedules to see if they could help me. And, it has always—I mean always—worked. Try it yourself!
#4: Creating a space for creativity
This is a pretty funny resolution coming from me, because I’m about the least creative person on earth! But I’m sure you’ve got one or two things that you enjoy doing in a creative space.
Really, this blog has become my creative outlet and I look forward to sitting down and working on it anytime I can. It’s become my habit, actually, to use the downtime with Mom to plan and sketch out entries for my website, or videos I want to film.
The other thing I like to do when I’m in Mom’s presence is read books. It puts us in the same space together—which is all she really wants now—but it saves me from the endless westerns and black and white movies she loves! Definitely a win-win!
#5: Reaching out to others
Bestie boo provides her own type of therapy, and I love spending time with her. It gives me a chance to both vent, and ignore my situation. We can talk about everything and nothing, and it’s just relaxing and enjoyable, so I try to do it as much as possible. We are committed to sticking to our walking schedule in 2023, and that is great, because in addition to me desperately needing some exercise, it is a firm schedule for when I’ll be able to relax and chat away from eldercare. Build your social circle in 2023 by reconnecting with people you love, and maybe branching out for some new experiences.
#6: Streamlining The Paperwork
I freaking love January 1. Love it!!! Every single New Year’s Day, Pop would hole up with the newspaper and evaluate his investment portfolio. Some years it was great—some years not so much—but every year he started off knowing what his financial picture was.
I do the exact same thing every January 1, looking at the values in all of our investments, to see how well we did the previous year, and to make decisions about how we will handle investing in the coming year. This is just one example of my oft-repeated instructions about streamlining the organizing the paperwork for your loved one. The new year is the perfect time for you to take an hour and review all of your important documents.
#7: Clearing the clutter
Mom “stores” (really ‘hides’)—read: hides—all types of “treasures” in the seat of her walker. There is also a drawer in her bedside table she thinks is a good hiding place, and don’t forget under the mattress. The new year is definitely a great time for me to go through all of her stuff and clean out whatever she doesn’t need. With the dementia, some of her “treasures” include used tissues and envelopes from letters she’s received.
In addition, I will use this week to change around some of her ACTUAL treasures. I will refresh her living space with her pictures of people, fresh flowers, and a few new turtles and gnomes to make her space comfy and a little more interesting for her.
#8: Get outta town
Yesterday, we went hiking at Valley of Fire State Park here in Nevada. It is my favorite place in our state, and we did my favorite hike. It is a little more than a half-day activity, but it improves my mood and changes my perspective on life every time we visit. The sheer beauty and amazing scenery is quite rejuvenating for me, and every time I hike through that tiny slot canyon, I remember how small I am in this universe…and how small my problems truly are.
Find somewhere like that for yourself. Someplace close enough for a half-day adventure, but far enough away that you can let go of your stresses and connect with your place in the world. It will do you a world of good to have somewhere you can escape to when you need a break.
#9: Get rich and lose weight!
Yeah..do these two things…in your spare time.
Seriously, though, come up with a resolution or two for yourself that will help you focus your year and change or improve your own life. Make sure you set reasonable and attainable goals—there’s no need getting even more frustrated in 2023! Then, carve out a little time in every day for you to focus on your personal resolutions. It will remind you that you have a full and complete life separate from The Job.
Number 10 (Which Is Really Number 1):
DITCH GUILT
Guilt is, in my opinion, the most toxic thing you can allow in your life. I don’t respond to guilt and I never give in to guilt. I don’t try to make anybody feel guilty for their decisions or their choices, and I don’t react to anyone who wields guilt as a weapon.
You are doing an amazing job with your loved one. You are committed to making the most of their life, giving them every opportunity to thrive while showing them love and compassion 24/7. Nobody has any right to try to make you feel bad or insecure about any of your decisions. Stay strong and powerful in your truth and don’t let anybody shake your confidence.
Guilt is a terrible weapon that leaves permanent scars. Especially when it comes to eldercare in 2023! Don’t allow it in your life. Be like me, and make your greatest weapon a positive attitude. It will protect you.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR!!!
Wow! You made it! Thank you for reading about 2023 eldercare!
Hey, since you’re here! You may as well check out part 1 of my Mother-In-Law story, here, or if you’ve read that, check out part 2, here! Or, check out our other topics here! Either way, I appreciate you!
Please leave a COMMENT about any tips you may have!! Or comment with YOUR story! Any dementia stories? Let me know!
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